Nature: She's kind of a dick, right? Admit it. In most other parts of the country, people are stressing about their carbon footprints while admiring the changing colors of the leaves and stocking up on cozy sweaters for the winter. Here in Miami, meanwhile, it can be hard to love Mother Earth when she makes us sweat half the year and threatens us with potentially fatal hurricanes throughout the other half.
Then again, Nature has good reason to act like a jerk. You think you're hot? Try dealing with global warming when you are literally the globe.
This weekend, you can attempt to placate the Green Goddess at the Friends of Nature Festival. But even if you can't get past Ma Earth's constant resting bitchface syndrome, there are plenty of other sweet ways to spend your weekend.
Cycling Night at New World Symphony: Bikers of the non-motorized variety get a dose of classical culture for just $2.50. Sweet.
Tobacco Road's 101st Anniversary Bash: This bar keeps getting older, but we patrons sure aren't getting wiser. Another round of shots, please!
Krewella: My little sister watched a high school couple get engaged at a Krewella show in Charlotte this week. So this is that kind of party.
The Stage's Third Anniversary: DJ Laz makes a special appearance to support the Design District venue. Pro tip: The traditional third-anniversary gift is leather. (Rowr.)
Lucky You! 6: Bakehouse Art Complex is practically giving art away tonight, y'all.
Second Saturday Art Walk: Last one before Basel!
Miami Hurricanes vs. Virginia Tech Hokies: Last week was, um, rough. But the Canes can totally dominate any team called the Hokies, right?
"Up & Away": Party with local artist Alex Yanes one last time before he takes his masterpieces on tour.
Miami Short Film Festival: Recover from your art hangover with a series of quick flicks.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Submit to the MasterMind Awards: C'mon. You know your ego could use the exposure. And your wallet could definitely use the $1,000 prize money.
Follow Ciara LaVelle on Twitter @ciaralavelle.
Send your story tips to Cultist at firstname.lastname@example.org.