The Return of the Boob Tube: Five Fall Shows We're Falling Over

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A kitty with a vanity problem.

Sure, the rest of country spent a summer of bad TV frolicking outside in their low-humidity backyards. Meanwhile, here in Miami, sweat pooled in the most unmentionable of places so we spent most of days indoors, channel surfing awful reruns. The only passable entertainment we could find on the old boob tube was


and pretty much anything on Bravo.

But fear not, fellow Miami TV addicts, we'll be able to break our television fast next week when our favorite shows start their new seasons. And maybe we're just suffering from prolonged heat exhaustion or are a little too desperate for mindless distraction, but this Fall's TV lineup looks fucking awesome. Take a look at five shows were falling over.

via fox.com

By this point, everyone knows


and how great Jane Lynch is. But do you realize that this season is going to have an entire episode dedicated to

Britney Spears


Oh, and it's going to include a cameo by the diva herself. OK, yes - this is the only reason we're freaking out about the new season that starts next week. We're so not going mind gawking at the bald badass. (September 21)

via abc.com
Desperate Housewives:

This show has been on for a couple years and for a while, it was a little played

out. Not only because the story lines have become a little dull, but

mainly because actual housewives on Bravo have made the whole housewife thing much more exciting. But this season, Ms. Vanessa Williams

will be joining the cast. We really think a little brown sugar will spice things up on Wisteria Lane. (September 26)

via nbc.com

Let's hear it for a new show that looks semi-interesting! Actually, it looks

really funny. NBC rarely does us wrong, right? We all know their

Thursday night lineup is pretty legit. Outsourced, though, might hit

too close to home for a few sad souls. It's about an American business that is

shipped off to India when the company outsources their entire call

center. Kinda a touchy subject in a state with almost 12% unemployment. Anyway, the show looks much more funny than it does morose (or racist), but you

never know. (September 23)

via abc.com
Modern Family:

If you haven't caught this show yet, you're an idiot. OK, that was a

little uncalled for (people have jobs, babies, hobbies, we know). But honestly this show

is maybe one of the best ever on TV. Everything about this show is

brilliant: actors, writing, storyline. No matter who you are, you can

relate to it. Oh and did we mention Sofia Vergara, AKA the hot Latina on

the show? No matter what "sexual team" you play for, the girl is great

to look at for 30 minutes. (September 22)

via abc.com
Dancing With the Stars:

This show has obviously been done to death, but

this season


better than ever for a few reasons. First off, there will be no professional dancers. Other than the girl from Dirty Dancing,

they all seem to be starting from scratch -- well, also other than David

Hasselhoff, who's an entertainment God in every way possible. Who isn't

going to watch just to see if he

shows up one day completely hammered with a cheeseburger in his mouth? And what about the Situation? How many times do you think he's going to

lift up his shirt before his partner just punches him straight in his

face? And if Bristol Palin gets knocked up by her partner, well, our lives

will be pretty much complete. (September 20)

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