^
Keep New Times Free
4

The Oscars Awkward Gaffe Predictor: Which Stars Will Embarrass Themselves This Year?

?Witty banter: It's what keeps Bruce Vilanch employed annually, and the rest of us entertained during awards shows between our own snide remarks about the stars' hideous fashion choices. But presenters don't always stick to the script, and some winners can get a bit too excited. Before you know it, Adrien Brody is assaulting Halle Berry with his lips, much to the horror of everyone watching.

Awkward gaffes are part of every awards show, but especially the Oscars, and this year will be no exception. So here are our predictions for the off-script items likely to pop up this weekend at the Academy Awards. We're not going to say that they will happen, or even that they should happen... just that we would be amused if they do happen. (And then pick up a side job as a psychic. Because, wow, these are very specific).

?Pretty Little Liars<
Presenting with her Bridesmaids costars, Melissa McCarthy accidentally lets it slip that she, Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph never really had a Martin Scorsese drinking game, and they lied to the audience of the Screen Actors Guild Awards in a desperate plea for laughs. In response, Ellie Kemper lets out a string of expletives and chases the Best Supporting Actress nominee off the stage with the shards of the champagne bottle she shattered on the podium.

Odds it'll happen: 50:1. There's not an angry bone in Kemper's body.

?Temporary Jackson Syndrome
After spending so much time on the American Idol judging panel with Randy Jackson, presenter Jennifer Lopez loses the inability to use real words. Instead of reading the teleprompter, she spews out a chorus of "dawgs" and "a'ights" — and after announcing the winner, admits that "for me, for you, that movie was a bit pitchy."

Odds it'll happen: 13:1, dawg.

?Life Imitates Art
The Artist's Jean Dujardin loses his voice right before his best actor acceptance speech, and the whole audience thinks it is an elaborate homage to his performance - laughing and applauding louder as he grows increasingly frustrated. When he stamps and stomps off stage, Billy Crystal can be heard exclaiming it was the best tap dance routine he's seen in years.

Odds it'll happen: 6:1. Are we even really sure Dujardin's one line wasn't dubbed?

Muppet Mayhem
Kermit the Frog reveals that during a dark time in his life, if he were given the choice of man or muppet, he would have elected the former. Miss Piggy is so furious by this revelation, she karate chops the giant Oscar statue and the censors have to cut to a break.

Odds it'll happen: 4:1. That pig has a temper.

Tomboys
Paired to present together, Tom Cruise and Tom Hanks keep getting distracted by the sheer delight that they share a first name. Nary a sentence can be spoken before one of them exclaims: "I can't believe we're both named Tom! The best name ever, we have!" The camera pans to Tom Selleck in the audience, nodding in approval and stroking his mustache.

Odds it'll happen: 5:1. Just because we like to imagine this happening.

I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

Community Service
Presenter Tina Fey veers from her lines to thank NBC for finally setting a return date for Community.

Odds it'll happen: Literally none, but we're too excited for March 15 to care.

—Jordana Mishory

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.