Lists

The Nine Miami Guys You Will Probably Meet This Year

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5. The guy with money
He's always taking you to nice dinners and expensive shows at the Arsht, and his life seems to revolve around spending his money as quickly as possible. But that's likely because he has no trouble replacing it, and though for some Miami women that might be the quintessential asset in a man, his money doesn't really help you get over his dullness. His money is really just not that interesting, and neither is he.

4. The guy who's always on Tinder
You may have met on Tinder, but you figured now that he knows you, he would delete the app. Which is why you were equal parts disgusted and dismayed when your girlfriend texted you to let you know that she just swiped right on his face. Sure, you never said you were exclusive, but trolling for a cheap hookup online is not cool. Ditch this guy immediately. 

3. Your ex-boyfriend
Your ex is always in the picture when you live in Miami: Every bad date you go on makes you reconsider whether your differences were really that irreconcilable. Recycling your ex is a common phenomenon because there appears to be a lack of magic in this city, and Miami guys often fail to light a spark. So every couple of years, you reconnect with a former flame and give it another (painful) go-round to make it work. The reality is, it rarely does. But maybe 2016 is your year.

2. The guy who thinks all women should look like Kim K
Why is dating in Miami so hard? Because with this many beautiful women running around, even the biggest of losers thinks he can land a girl who far surpasses him in the looks category. This particular brand of Miami man makes all of his decisions based on T&A. Never mind if a girl has intellect and interesting hobbies; he's far more interested in meeting girls who represent the fictitious image of a perfect 10.


1. The guy who doesn't get it
The second you awkwardly gave him your number, you knew you had made a huge mistake. Though his persistence was unsettling, you simply got tired of finding polite ways to say no. And while you have never gone out with him and have hardly acknowledged he's messaging you, he continues with his ritual "Good morning, beautiful" as though the two of you are an item. It will go on like that for a few weeks until you finally get a text from him calling you a bitch and lobbing every other expletive he can think of at you. Next time you run into this guy, just run.

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Nicole Martinez
Contact: Nicole Martinez