Film & TV

The Kim Kardashian Lesson: Five Reasons It Pays to Be a Reality TV Star

We all make fun of the kids from the Jersey Shore like it's our job, especially here at Cultist (because it actually is our job). But apparently, the joke is on us. Did you know that Mike "The Situation" and Pauly D are two of the top ten biggest earning reality stars? No lie. Kim Kardashian tops this list of talentless hacks at $8 million for 2010, while people like Audrina Patridge and Kate Gosselin follow at number four and five. Really? Audrina Patridge? No wonder all those scumbags are dying to get on Dancing With the Stars.

So for anyone looking to step up their checking account this year, there is apparently no need to look any further than reality TV. And lucky for us, two shows are looking right in here South Florida. (Tough Love or Bad Girls Club, anyone?) So while we cry ourselves to sleep tonight in jealously (of course, with the TV on), here are five reasons we suggest you adjust career path to include the boob tube.

1. You Will Make a Lot of Money

Just being on the show gets you a paycheck. And more than likely, if they make you leave your home and live somewhere else, they pay all your living expenses too. And then once you're off, the endorsement deals will start rolling your way (vodkas, diet pills, book deals). Plus, you can always rely on your music career. If Kim Zolciak can have a hit song, anyone can.

2. You Might Get Your Own Show

Let's say you get on one of these reality shows and America really likes you. Well, more than likely, your ass is getting your own show. Take Bethanny Frankel, for example. She's number three on the list of best paid. Yes, she had to deal with those bitchy housewives for a couple of seasons, but because of that, she got her own slot on Bravo about just her, her hot husband, and little baby girl nugget.  And while her time on Skating With the Stars might end up killing her career, she has the $5.3 million she made in 2010 to keep her warm at night.

3. You Might Marry an Athlete

We can't exactly figure it out, but there's just something about reality stars and athletes that get each other going. It might be because athletes like their ladies famous, hot, and a little light on the brains--which, let's be honest, a lot of them are. Look at examples A, B, and three: Kendra Wilkinson, married to NFL-er Hank Baskett; Khloe Kardashian, married to Lamar Odom of the Lakers; and, Kim Kardashian: who has dated most of the NFL and is now moving into the NBA. Even if the reality show gig doesn't work out, you can always get knocked up and call it a day.

4. You Will Make Celebrity Friends

Isn't that what we all want in the world? Well, we do. Being on a reality show gets you into some of the best events in town. And just being there, you will be surrounded by people with actual talent who more than likely watch your show like the rest of us and might want to hang out with you... even become your friend! With the title of "BFF of a celeb," you get farther in life than you can ever imagine. After all, that's how Kim Kardashian (who sucked on the teet of Paris Hilton's celebrity) started out on the way to the top of the best paid list.

5. You Will Get Free Shit

Learn the letters S-W-A-G, because you're getting a lot of it. But we're not sure why they call it that (Stuff We All Get), because we never see any of it. Only the rich and famous do.  You have no idea the amount of free shit celebrities get: clothes, food, cars, phones, trips, and junk we don't even know about because, again, we never get it! Just for being reality star, companies want you to wear their shit and to do so, they will give it you lots of it--all for free. And does it get better than that? Even a vapid reality star knows the answer to that.

KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Stacey Russell
Contact: Stacey Russell