Things To Do

The 21 Best Things to Do in Miami This Week

Thursday: La Piscina.
Thursday: La Piscina. Photo by Gigi De La Torre

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click to enlarge Friday: J. Phlip. - VITALI GELWICH PHOTOGRAPHY
Friday: J. Phlip.
Vitali Gelwich Photography

Saturday

An overweight white guy singing '90s R&B and boy-band ballads between beat-boxing anecdotes of his dating history might sound kind of tragic. But Richy Leis makes it funny and will win you over with all the impressive sounds coming out of his mouth. His Comic Cure set is one of three shows he's doing in Miami for his So Stupid tour. 8:30 p.m. Saturday at South Miami-Dade Cultural Arts Center, 10950 SW 211th St., Cutler Bay; 786-573-5300; smdcac.org. Tickets cost $20.

Maybe you're just now hearing about the Ludlam Trail, but the historic sites in its South Miami area have been bringing together families and linking them to Florida's past for decades. The Ludlam Trail organization and the Miami Association of Realtors are celebrating that history with the Ludlam Trail Carnival, complete with fairground rides, games, food, and a car show. The festival offers families the opportunity to explore the neighborhood of A.D. Barnes Park while chomping on elephant ears and getting dizzy on the Tilt-A-Whirl. 3 p.m. Saturday at A.D. Barnes Park, 3401 SW 72nd Ave., Miami; ludlamtrail.org. Admission is free.

E11even does everything big, so it's no surprise the club would go all-out for the big Mayweather vs. McGregor bout. E11even will show the fight on multiple TVs, but most important, it will be broadcast on the club's massive 16-foot rooftop LED screen and a colossal 30-foot LED screen inside. Surround sound will be broadcast throughout the fight. UFC ring girl Arianny Celeste will host the party. 7 p.m. Saturday at E11even, 29 NE 11th St., Miami; 305-829-2911; 11miami.com. Tickets cost $20 for women and $30 for men.

To say Mark Farina is a veteran of electronic music is an almost comical understatement. With almost two dozen releases and appearances at every electronic festival you can think of, Farina has been bringing beats to the aurally adventuresome since the late '80s. See him at the Pickle, where you can bop along till the sun rises, which would be a short set for the house-meets-jazz-meets-psychedelics DJ. 10 p.m. Saturday at Electric Pickle, 2826 N. Miami Ave., Miami; 305-456-5613; electricpicklemiami.com. Tickets cost $20.

What becomes of hipsters who wear tie-dye, dabble in raves, and take gender studies courses at college? They become actual hippies, who jaunt off to Burning Man, a weirdo fest in the Nevada desert that now attracts youthful tastemakers. It's no surprise then that musicians who will perform at that psychedelic fiesta are headed to Miami Beach's electronic enclave Do Not Sit on the Furniture for a series of shows. Up this week is Berlin's Mira, spinning minimalist house that's perfect for both a cool desert night and a dark, sweaty beach venue. 10 p.m. Saturday at Do Not Sit on the Furniture, 423 16th St., Miami Beach; donotsitonthefurniture.com; 510-551-5067. Admission costs $10 to $20.

A brainy-looking mask with a penis-shaped snout adorns the head of Berlin-based artist and music-maker Anklepants. Perhaps Vice's Noisey blog said it best: "To be clear: this guy wears an animatronic dildo mask and his voice and music is controlled by sensors located in his suit?" That wasn't really a question. The guy behind Anklepants creates prosthetics and animatronics for big-time movies such as Star Wars: Episode 3 and Prometheus. Local experimental beatmaker Otto Von Schirach is bringing Anklepants to town for a show also featuring performances by Poorgrrrl, Gami, Trash, Viper & Piper, and Otto himself. Von Schirach has dubbed the event a "superweird dance-party session," which kind of goes without saying. 9 p.m. Saturday at TBC Autonomy, 229 NE 65th St., Miami; ottovonschirach.com. Admission costs $5.

According to frontman and only remaining original member of Social Distortion Mike Ness, the band's upcoming album will be its best ever. That's saying a lot for a group that's been around since the mid-'80s and has written anthems of angst such as "Story of My Life" and "Ball and Chain." The bandmates will no doubt tease us with previews of their latest efforts during their tour, so get cozy at Revolution for a chance to reminisce and glimpse the future. 7 p.m. Saturday at Revolution Live, 100 SW Third Ave., Fort Lauderdale; 954-449-1025; jointherevolution.net. Tickets cost $35 to $38.

click to enlarge Saturday: Mark Farina. - COURTESY MHM AFTER HOURS
Saturday: Mark Farina.
Courtesy MHM After Hours

Sunday

In the year 2017, plenty of men still earnestly argue that women can't be funny. But even in Donald Trump's male-dominated white supremacy, there's room for females and female-identifying improvisers to wet audiences' panties through laughter. Kat Kenny Improv and Just the Funny Improv Comedy are hosting the Women in Improv Summit, Pt. Dos, where improv actors at any level or from any background are welcome to build a community and explore their experiences to foster a more inclusive environment for funny femmes. 3 p.m. Sunday at Just the Funny Improv Comedy, 3119 Coral Way, Miami; 305-693-8669; facebook.com/jtfcomedy. Admission price TBD.

Monday

When Nazis are shamelessly marching in America, it's important to take some cues from history. Marlene Dietrich wasn't just a stunning actress whose heavy eyelids and enticing personality mark her in the world's collective memory. She was also a woman of great conviction. To protest Nazis in the 1930s, she renounced her German nationality. Marlene Is Back, a theatrical performance featuring Cyrielle Clair as Dietrich, will profile this great actress and perhaps also give us insight into an era we hope to never repeat. 8 p.m. Monday at the Colony Theatre, 1040 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach; 800-211-1414; colonymb.com. Tickets cost $45 to $65.

Much like that herpes strain that never really goes away, Coldplay is returning to the world's stadiums for a seventh time. The A Head Full of Dreams Tour will bring Goop-y ex Chris Martin and his British alt-rock band to Hard Rock Stadium for an unforgettable experience of piano playing, laser lights, and pyrotechnics. For sure the effects will awaken something in you if the emotional tunes fail to do so. 7 p.m. Monday at Hard Rock Stadium, 347 Don Shula Dr., Miami Gardens; hardrockstadium.com. Tickets cost $131 and up.

Tuesday

"Don't" launched the career of rapper, singer, and songwriter Bryson Tiller. Bred in Louisville, Kentucky, the 24-year-old not only crafts his own tunes but also fine-tunes others' songs. Last year at the BET Awards, he was named Best New Artist and Best Male R&B/Pop Artist. Now Tiller is on the road promoting Set It Off, along with H.E.R. and Metro Boomin, and is headed to Miami to bring some smooth sounds to the masses. 7 p.m. Tuesday at the Watsco Center, 1245 Dauer Dr., Coral Gables; watscocenter.com. Tickets cost $39.50 to $49.50. 

Wednesday

If you've never seen Iggy Pop IRL, here's your chance. The Stooges frontman will chat with Sweat Records owner Lolo Reskin about the life and times of the punk icon. The discussion will wrap up with a screening of American Valhalla, which details the collaboration between Pop and Queens of the Stone Age frontman Joshua Homme. The rockumentary explores the making of the album Post Pop Depression and offers exclusive interviews that will revive punk from the dead. 7:30 p.m. Wednesday at O Cinema Miami Beach, 500 71st St., Miami Beach; o-cinema.org. Tickets cost $15.

You cannot open your eyes without seeing Ed Sheeran's big redheaded noggin somewhere. The Grammy winner popped up as a feeder and new friend of Arya Stark in Game of Thrones, and he was the famous guy Bridget asks to take her photo in Bridget Jones's Baby. Sway to "Shape of You" and "Castle on the Hill" with thousands of other pop music lovers when he takes the stage with special guest James Blunt. Sheeran is promoting his third album, with a title that looks like a plus sign but is pronounced divide. Muse on that. 7:30 p.m. Tuesday at American Airlines Arena, 601 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; 786-777-1000; aaarena.com. Tickets are sold out.

Cubans make the best cigars, and you know what Miami has a lot of? Cubans. Therefore, the region has some quality cigars. So of course South Florida would host a fine cigar event such as Black Smoke Miami. Put on by StogieTV, Black Smoke is an opportunity to enjoy the flavors of lit tobacco over five days. The event includes Ash Wednesday in Hollywood, a Caribbean Takeover, happy hour at Iguana Pines, a mansion party, and a rooftop pool party. Check out facebook.com/Stogietv for exact locations. 7 p.m. Wednesday at various locations, starting at Cuenca Cigars, 1928 Harrison St., Hollywood; stogietv.com. Admission costs $50 to $1,000.


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Taylor Estape
Liz Tracy has written for publications such as the New York Times, the Atlantic, Refinery29, W, Glamour, and, of course, Miami New Times. She was New Times Broward-Palm Beach's music editor for three years. Now she plays one mean monster with her 2-year-old son and obsessively watches British mysteries.
Contact: Liz Tracy