If you're reading this, it's likely you're staying in town for the holidays. Whether you couldn't afford a plane ticket home or you're allergic to Uggs, the 305 isn't the worst place to make merry.
For those of us who'll be wearing tacky Christmas tank tops instead of sweaters (too stifling), here are the best holiday events happening around town.
The classic story of a girl and her nutcracker prince, told through toe shoes and sugar plum fairies, is in town through Christmas Eve.
The show runs December 18 - 24 at the Arsht Center, 1300 Biscayne Blvd. Showtimes vary. Tickets start at $25. Visit MiamiCityBallet.org/Nutcracker.
Miami Outboard Club Holiday Boat Parade at Bayfront Park
Boat parades are the definitive Florida Christmas tradition. Nothing screams Miami like yachts decked out in big dollar bling. There will also have food trucks, tunes and fireworks.
The show starts at 6 p.m. on Saturday, December 20, in Bayfront Park, 301 Biscayne Blvd. Admission is free. Visit MOCHolidayBoatParade.com.
Miracle on South Division Street and A Christmas Carol at the Actor's Playhouse
The Gables' venue is putting on two holiday shows, Charles Dickens' classic and a more modern tale. Miracle on South Division Street, about a family living in Buffalo, NY, is a hilarious play about the unraveling of generational legends (involving the Virgin Mary and a barbershop).
Miracle on South Division Street runs through December 28, and A Christmas Carol through December 21 at the Actor's Playhouse, 280 Miracle Mile. Show times and ticket prices vary. Visit ActorsPlayhouse.org.
Christmas Day Dinner Cruise on the Biscayne Lady
Instead of sitting in a stuffy house, feeling smothered by well meaning relatives, celebrate Christmas in true Miami fashion: on a boat. The Venetian Lady is setting sail for a holiday cruise, complete with a buffet menu full of holiday classics, plus entertainment and killer views.
The cruise begins boarding at 3:30 p.m. and cruises from 4:30 to 6:30 p.m. on Thursday, December 25, out of Bayfront Park, 301 Biscayne Blvd. Tickets are $75 for adults (if you book online), $35 for children 4-12 and free for children under three. Visit IslandQueenCruises.com.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas at O Cinema Miami Shores
Catch Jim Carrey at his Seussian best in this remake of the classic cartoon. Those Whovian noses though.
The film is showing Saturday, December 20 and Monday, December 22 at 11 a.m. at O Cinema Miami Shores, 9806 NE 2nd Ave. Tickets are $8 for adults and $5 for kids (plus fees if you purchase online). Visit OCinema.org.
Hear the Grammy Award-winning group perform the magnum opus of Handel's career -- a piece of music that's earned standing ovations since 1743. It ages well.
The show kicks off at 4 p.m. on Sunday, December 21 at the South Miami-Dade Cultural Arts Center, 10950 SW 211th St. Tickets run from $20 to $65. Visit SMDCAC.org.
Sights and Sounds of the Season at the New World Center
Hear a holiday mash-up of classic melodies, from Ellington's Selections from The Nutcracker Suite to Anderson's A Christmas Festival Medley to Friedman and Wendel's A Chanukah Overture.
The show kicks off at 7:30 p.m. on Friday, December 19 at New World Center, 500 17th St. Tickets are $40. (There's also a Saturday Wallcast show, free for Miami Beach residents.) Visit NWS.edu.
Ok, so technically this has nothing to do with the holidays, but you know they'll be plenty of bros dressed like Santa packing the AAA to boo Lebron. Nothing says "Christmas spirit" like booing a dude who's jersey is still stashed in the back of your closet.
The game starts at 5 p.m. on Thursday, December 25 at the American Airlines Arena, 601 Biscayne Blvd. Tickets range in price from $165 to $1,530+. Visit AAArena.com.
Not everyone celebrates Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa. For those who eschew the season's consumerism, there's Festivus. Celebrate the Frank Costanza way and air those grievances freely.
The event kicks off at 2 p.m. on Sunday, December 21 at Abbey Brewing Co., 1115 16th St. Admission is free, but you must be 21+. Visit Abbey Brewing Co. on Facebook.
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Matzoball Miami at LIV Nightclub
For Jewish singles, Matzoball is where its at come December 24th. Mix, mingle at (in the words of Matzoball) "an unforgettable Jewcy adventure."
The event kicks off at 9 p.m. on Wednesday, December 24, at LIV, 4441 Collins Ave. Tickets range from $50 to $75. Visit Matzoball.org.