Bayside is not quite local central, but if you live in the downtown area as I do, you head over to that strange tourist trap for convenient one-stop shopping. Also, tourists get to choose from the best selection of sun-hats, and you really should be donning those daily.
Anyway, I’ve noticed something bizarre (besides the obvious). Did you know there are Hollywood-esque stars lining the main entrance? They’re covered in wacky blue patterns and gold-lined and bear names like Rio 2 and “Jamie Foxx.” It’s super weird, so I looked it up. Lo and behold, Miami has it’s own official “Walk of Fame.”
According to its website, the Official Miami Walk of Fame celebrates actors, actresses, moves, television programs, and the like that put in work to put Miami on the map. What an adorable and fittingly-tacky way to have fun with our city, no? Since you probably don’t go to Bayside enough, we went down and got the skinny on all the stars. Here are your prime-time players.
Oh, and those quirky patters are the work of Britto, who designed each star — of course.
The inaugural star dedication ceremony in March of 2014 honored three very special entities. Okay, one of them is just a sequel to a kid’s movie, but Jamie Foxx is totally amazing and deserves all the awards he can get. Plus, he totally loves Miami. He’s here all the time. He’s, like, besties with DJ Irie. I’ll never forget the time I hugged him on camera while covering the annual Model Beach Volleyball Tournament. That’s not a shameless plug, but you should totally watch it.
This is totally the weird sequel I was talking about. They brought the whole cast out here for this, but they only gave Jamie Foxx a star? That’s some messed up shit, Miami. You a sunny place, but you shady.
Now here’s a star that really makes sense. This actor and director was born in Cuba and has produced many highly-acclaimed works celebrating and examining that heritage. As with many excommunicated Cubans, Miami has played a major role in his life, and it’s only right that we honor a man of vision in a way that is proper, i.e.; by giving him a Britto star at Bayside.
In December of 2014, a second dedication ceremony was held. This time around, the Walk of Fame honored actor Bobby Cannavale, who was born in New York and is half Italian, but he’s also half Cuban, so he’s okay. But it’s not just about the Cuban connection: Cannavale had a starring role in Chef, which was one of the best movies every filmed in Miami. If you haven’t seen it, you should watch it immediately, but make sure you have a Cubano hot and ready to eat. You’re going to want it.
Annie the Movie
I’m not really sure what this 2014 remake had to do with Miami, but Mayor Tomas Regalado did proclaim December 9th as “Annie Day” as a means to raise awareness of the 4.200 homeless children in Miami Dade. Again, I’m not trying to steal the spotlight or anything, but there’s another movie coming out about Miami’s homeless population specifically, and it was actually inspired by an old New Times article. You should read more about it. Maybe it, too, will get a star?
James is the only star to have been honored with his own solo ceremony back in April of 2015. This Mall Cop comedian does actually live in Miami, so we get that. Also, Bayside is a mall, so that’s extra hilarious. Dude was riding around on a Segway all dressed up like his character for the celebration. What a riot.
Just a couple of months ago in June, the Walk of Fame held its most recent dedication ceremony. (Where the fuck was I?) Four new inductees were added, including this actor best known for his portrayal of Eric Delko on CBS’ CSI: Miami. The show ended back in 2012, so this star is a little late, but so is everyone in this town.
Jada Pinkett Smith
Jada Pinkett Smith wasn’t born in Miami, either, but her husband wrote one of the greatest love songs to our city in recorded history. You know what it is.
This delicious hunk of man-meat (who also happens to be an awesome actor and really funny dude) wasn’t born in Miami. He didn’t even have his famous stripping streak in Miami, but he did move to the Magic City after bowing out of the flesh ring, and that’s where he was discovered by a model talent scout. We get to claim him, and honestly, who wouldn’t want to?
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Magic Mike XXL
Magic Mike wasn’t filmed in Miami (not that we could tell). Yes, the ties to the city are a bit tenuous, but as we discussed Channing Tatum gets claimed by Miami, and as such, we get to claim his greatest contribution to the silver screen. Um, at least we get to claim the sequel?
In conclusion, all I can say is: What’s with the sequels, Miami?! And when is the next ceremony? I wanna go. How about giving it up to Sofia Vergara? You better include the Rock and Mark Wahlberg, because Ballers is an amazing show, and you know it.
You’re the weirdest Miami. Besos.