With kids going back to school this week, we adults have one, and only one thought: We hope you're learning something because traffic totally sucks. And it doesn't just suck because there are more parents out on the road, it also sucks because there's more teen drivers out on the road. And teen drivers means one of two things 1) there's major slow downs because they're busy texting profound thoughts like "Wuz up?" and "bored, just driving" to their other friends who are driving and responding with the equally enthralling thoughts like "not much" and "me 2" or 2) us grownups have to wear adult diapers because a Honda Civic with a spoiler and illegal tints almost Fast and Furiouses us off the road.
But then again, maybe us adults are just being h8rz - we kind of miss our adolescent recklessness. So, here's 10 great high school movies that make you wish you were back in high school. Or maybe after reading them you'll be happy that you're no longer in high school. Either or, it should distract you from the bubbling road rage you would've otherwise given into during your commute back home tonight. So, you're welcome.
10. Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Okay, so no one wants to get knocked up in high school, get busted jerking off, or feed a mogwai past midnight (oops, sorry, wrong Phoebe Cates movie) but this movie embodies what a high school experience is truly like - awkward (the lunchtime carrot scene and, well, the iconic pool scene:), scary (abortion), and sometimes incredibly sweet (the nerd gets the girl in the end, aw!).
9. Breakfast Club
In a world rattled with problems of tolerance (i.e. 9/11, the birth of the Tea Party, and Isreali/Palestinian conflicts) this movie reminds all of us how idealistic we all once were, even if at the time, we had the jaded belief that we knew it all. This Uptopian movie makes one feel like, no matter who you are, or where you come from, everyone - even an athlete and a basket case or a criminal and a princess - can find common ground, even love. Or, at the very least, learn how to apply lipstick using only their cleavage.
8. Can't Hardly Wait
Oh the joys of having a crush! And not just a "yeah, I think Kim is the hottest Kardashian sister" crush either. We're talking hardcore, mega-longing, scribbling their name on the back of your notebook over and over again for hours kind of crush. The kind of crush that would evoke your inner Alicia Silverstone and lock any competition in a darkroom shed and fill it with wasps -- ah, memories! And if you never had a Jennifer Love Hewitt back in high school, you could become nostalgic for the days when you could walk into a party, everyone would stop, turn to look at you, and you'd magically be able to walk in slow motion. We miss walking in slow motion.
7. Dazed and Confused
Remember the days when you used to stalk and beat freshmen with giant paddles, warded off horny Matthew McConaugheys, drank beer in the woods while discussing the possibility of George Washington being in an alien cult, aimlessly drove around, used pliers to put on your tightest jeans, or smoked a joint on the 50 yard line of your high school football field? No? (cough, cough) Nah, not us either.
So, like, remember when Paul Rudd and Alicia Silverstone looked like they were still in high school? Oh, wait, nevermind.
5. American Pie
Pioneering itself as the first film to warn against the dangers of webcam misuse and pie raping, a teen movie about three guys making a pact to loose their virginities by prom can surely make one feel nostalgic about a time in their lives when trying loose one's virginity by prom was their biggest problem in life. Also, Alyson Hannigan's on-going joke "This one time, at band camp..." can make anyone long for a summer filled with fleeting romances, new friends, and, of course, fun with flutes.
Okay, so even if karaoke tunes make you so "pink" in the face you could drop kick a Patty Simcox, you can't deny the emotions this top grossing musical provokes - first love, peer pressure, jealousy, and - in reference to the finale's "bad Sandy" - the desire of an innocent girl to bust out her inner skank for the very first time.
3. Rock 'n' Roll High School
Remember when high school movies had musical performances by The Ramones rather than a cutesey covers by the Glee cast?
2. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
As most teens can tell you, the best part of going to school is cutting class. And no one ditched with as much leopard-print-vest finesse as Ferris Bueller. And who doesn't long for a time in their lives when they had the naïve gusto to jump up on a parade float and spark a massive, gratuitous, choreographed dance scene in downtown Chicago? And although you were probably nothing like Ferris back in high school, you always wanted to be or wanted a friend like him even if he was, after all, car-less and born under a bad sign.
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A movie pumped full of murder, Moby Dick references, and a sad, sad creature called a Martha Dumptruck doesn't seem like it should make you miss your high school days but it does makes us miss Christian Slater's hairline.
And, fuck us gently with a chainsaw, it also helps us remember how stupid we all used to talk, which is about as funny as someone's last words being "Corn nuts!"