Trying to escape the brutal northern winter, the gorilla juiceheads and the orange trolls with poufs and fake tits decided to pack their hair gels and Ed Hardy shirts, and take a trip down south. Last year, they spent their summer getting trashed in Joisey. "We're in Miami bitch," hollered the Jersey Shore cast, SoBe's new residents.
SoBe, however, wasn't so thrilled. The city showed no love to its new dwellers. People groaned, moaned, and bitched about the unwanted drama that the Jersey Shore brats brought along with them. And now that the season is airing on MTV, the Jersey Shore hate rears its ugly head once again.
But the disdain towards the Jersey Shore cast is laughable: one group of douchebags hating on the other group of douchebags. Miami Beach's Lincoln Road and Washington Avenue are clustered with Jersey Shore look-a-likes of Ronnie, Snookie, J-WoW, or Mike "The Situation." As a city with our own fair share of grunting meatheads and clear-heel-wearing floozies, who are we to judge?
I come from the land of orange oompa-loompas with spikey hair. Staten
Island to be exact, where three of the cast members come from.
Living in Staten Island, I've been to Seaside Heights many times, and
it's just like South Beach - but without the palm trees.
South Beach has just as many overly tan guys who are pumped full of creatine
and steroids, and wear two-sizes too-small Ed Hardy shirts, showing off
the oversized biceps they've supposedly worked so hard for. Meanwhile,
ladies in Miami can blind passersby, not with their stellar looks, but
with all the glittery shit they wear. Maybe it's just to distract you
from their shitty plastic surgery: their new fake tits and the lipo that
they got on discount.
Even the sleaziest clubs in South Beach were not keen on having the Jersey Shore
guidos fist-pumping in their venues. Remember that "No Jersey Shore
Allowed" sign outside Mansion? But some of our nightclubs play the same
generic techno music that the guidos once danced to on the boardwalk of
Seaside Heights. Same club, different shitty.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Moreover South Beach, you're forgetting your history. If it wasn't for
the über guido Chris Paciello, you wouldn't have had those glamorous
nightclubs you love so much. So pay some respect.
Quit hating on Jersey Shore, South Beach. Look in the mirror, and you'll realize that you're just like those kids from the Jersey Shore. You're just projecting how you feel about yourselves.