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Skrawberry's Rules for Straight Girls in Strip Clubs

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You know Miami stripper Skrawberry for her rap skills, her political commentary,

and of course, her sexy moves on the pole. Now, you'll also know her

for her sound advice. In this weekly column, Skraw responds to readers'

questions about life, love, and beyond. Got a question for Skraw? Hit

her up at skrawberry@miaminewtimes.com.


Hey Skraw,,

Can you give us girls some pointers on how to behave in the strip club? Guys obviously know what to do while they're there — look at all the hot naked chicks!! But for us girls who aren't turned on by all that, how are we supposed to act? I wanna be that cool chick who's fine with going to the strip club, but I'm just not feeling it.

Prudey

Prudey,

This has become a major problem in strip clubs, because most women don't know how to act when in a strip club. What women don't understand when they see us in a club is we are there as a hustle to make money. Strippers don't mean any harm; we just want the dollars. This is how most of us in this business make a living, so if you feel some kind of way about naked women, stay yo ass home!

Whats the difference between a regular club and a strip club, besides the fact that there's naked women walking around? The waitresses in regular club are half naked and work for tips. You women go to regular clubs with little-ass dresses on and no panties and dance the same way we dance at work. Y'all take y'all shoes off and dance on couches; we keep it professional and stay on our feet with our shoes on. If a woman come to the strip club with a guy and she really don't want to be there, she's only making a fool out of herself instead of settling for a movie date.

Here's a few tips: First and foremost, do not pick up our $1's! Leave 'em where they at, and in most cases we will have our security pick the money up for us. Bending down picking up money that don't belong to you is stealing, and you are liable to get kicked in the face or your fingers stomped on.

Next, if a guy orders you a dance, take it. Trust me when I say this: We don't want you touching us just as well as you don't want to touch us. As a matter of fact, just tell the stripper to dance on the side of you or to just stand a foot away. By telling the guy, "Eww, I don't want a dance," or some other shit like that, you only make yourself sound childish — and you're messing up our money. Don't sit and look like you are disgusted with naked women. How would you feel if you took off your clothes and somebody gave you that same look of disgust?

And if a guy give you money, it is to throw — not to put in your purse, not to go grocery shopping with tomorrow, not to pay your bills. Tip with the money, and never leave the strip club with singles. If he wanted you to take the money home, he would have gave you the money in big bills! Trust me, they be knowing who didn't spend money and it only make you look petty.

Don't sit in the club and look bored. If that's the case you should have stayed home or sat in the car. Get a drink or three. Swag to the music. If a stripper ask you for a dance, just reply "no, I'm OK," and keep it moving. If you do happen to get a dance, don't be doing no extra grabbing and touching trying to get noticed! Just chill — if you so happen to touch an ass, do it the way you'd like your ass to be touched. Don't be rubbing the money all on a stripper's pussy. That money is dirty. And besides that, paper cuts!

Don't even dance too hard — leave it to the strippers, that's why we're there. If a dude wanted you to dance for him, he will not be in the club looking for you because you are not a stripper! Do not come to the club dressed like a stripper! Do not try to fight with the strippers; we may not all be friends, but we are as one and we will gang up on that ass! (Most of the time, anyway.) Do not come to the club and cock block on a stripper, or try to talk to a dude she's dancing for because you know him or you see he got money or is spending money. What y'all non-strippers don't know is, these men talk. Soon as you walk off, he will be in our ear telling us everything you said, because he either tryin' to be down or tryin' to fuck.

So if you see us talking to a dude in the club, and that just so happens to be your dude, just relax. We are only doing what's in our job description, and that is to get as much money as we can. If that involves extra smiling and talking to yo' dude, that's what we gotta do. If you don't want him talking to strippers, keep his ass out the club! If strip clubs are not your thing and what you're into, stay home! If you don't want to look at naked chicks, why go out your way to go to a place where naked chicks are the main attraction?

I can go on and on about strip club etiquette, but there's no point. If strip clubs aren't your thing, don't go to the strip club. Visit a lounge or something. Better yet, stay home!

Skrawberry

Email your questions for Skrawberry to skrawberry@miaminewtimes.com. Follow Skrawberry on Twitter @Skraw_Berry.

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