Fashion

Skinny Jeans, Ear Gauges, and Other Dude Fashions That Need to Go Away

Considering our post lambasting horrendous female fashion trends, we figured evening out the playing field would do some good. Our Haterade® comes in both flavors, so making fun of dudes and their shitty choices is as easy as selling bottled water to people living in an industrialized nation with safe, delicious, potable tap water.

Guys may not be as prepared as gals in the lifelong illogical battle of who can accessorize using what looks like crap found in the discount bin at a dollar store, but at least women are more creative. Perhaps a century ago things were different. Back then mustaches were en vogue, pocket watches, monocles, and top hats made the most unfortunate-looking men so irresistible they could get any woman they chose. We're not sure if it was the clothing or the fact that women had no rights and were treated like property, but yeah. Those were the days. Anyway, here are five reasons our mothers should still be making our wardrobe choices.

KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Orlando Winters