We've soured a bit on public art in this city. What with proliferation of Romero Britto and all manner of silly animals being idolized like heathen gods. We blame Chicago for the latter, after all it was the "Cows on Parade" exhibit that started this whole craziness. Well, it looks like the Windy City is up to its old tricks again, and we shudder to think how copycat Miami will react.
An enormous Marilyn Monroe with iconic white dress blowing up from the sewer grate now stands erect in that city and we figure it's just a matter of time before the winds blow the idea southward to Miami. But this time we're ready. Here are six moments in South Florida history that deserve to be immortalized in statue form (and let's pray to avoid Manatee statues in the future).
6. Jim Morrison Pulling Out His Pecker at Dinner Key
If the Governor of Florida can forgive the Doors' singer for drunkenly
dangling his dong
in front of thousands at Dinner Key in 1970, surely we can take the
next step and erect (that's two erections in one post) a statue honoring his contribution (dare we say,
endowment) to our cultural history. So what if the concert itself sucked
5. Tony Montana Sitting at Mount Cokemore Desk
Is there anything more Miami than the image of Al Pacino in a coke
induced stupor with powder puffing out his nostrils in front of a pile
of Colombia's finest. We think not. As, for a location, maybe along the
MacArthur Causeway right before getting to South Beach.
4. McDuffie Riots
This one will be hard to simulate in statue form and even harder to look
at. Maybe a bunch of cops standing over Arthur McDuffie beating him a
la Rodney King. It's wouldn't be a pleasant reminder of our sordid
history, but obviously police in South Florida, and the rest of us, need
to remember lest we keep making the same stupid mistakes.
3. Bryan Norcross' Windswept Hair Guiding Us Through Hurricane Andrew
Yeah, yeah, we know. Norcross was in studio as he calmly led us through
the most harrowing night in many of our lives, but we take artistic
license to create a better effect for a statue.
2. Three Kings on Stage Like a Bunch of Bozos
They hadn't even won a game, but already the Miami Heat's anointed Three
Kings were dancing and singing and generally making assess of
themselves to the rest of country. Maybe an animatronic statue would be
appropriate with Chris Bosh doing his scream, LeBron holding up fingers
for all the championships he hasn't brought here, and DWade standing on
the scorer's table mouthing "this is my house" over and over.
More than an incredibly compelling Pulitzer Prize winning photo of a
terrified child being pried from the arms of a loved one by a machine
gun wielding soldier, the photo has all the elements that define Miami: violence, absurdity, and Cuba. Who knows, if you build it, maybe Elian
will even come to see it.
Honorable Mention - Steve Bartman
Since Chi-Town always seems to be leading us to artistic folly, how bout
a statue commemorating that moment in 2003 when Steven Bartman
interfered with his own Chicago Cubs player thus clearing the way for
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the Florida Marlins to beat the lovable losers and continue the longest
streak of futility in pro sports. So what if it happened in Chicago, we
still like to remember in Miami.