Film & TV

Rock of Ages: Tom Cruise Sings! And Not Just In the New Trailer

Y'know what the first Rock of Ages trailer was missing? Tom Cruise singing.

Most of the newest trailer for the film, which hit the web this week, is exactly the same as the one we brought to you in December. But there is one big difference: the dulcet tones of Cruise's voice "rocking" to Bon Jovi.

A fine night at karaoke? Sure. But it's far from Cruise's best musical performance. Don't take our word for it -- judge for yourself after the jump, where you'll find the trailer and a collection of other soulful renditions by the former Mr. Kidman.

Um, does New Line Cinema know Tom looks like the cryptkeeper in the trailer's cover shot? In any case, you'll have to wait until the very end, and about 800 repetitions of the name "Stacee Jaxx," until you get to "Livin' On a Prayer" "Dead or Alive."

You're great, Tina. But you're no Tom Cruise. What, you couldn't even bring him up on stage with you for a "Private Dancer" duet?

Look at those moves! Tom Cruise: the original triple-threat. (Quadruple if you count the Scientology.)

Don't cry, Tommy! We shouldn't have made that cheap shot at your religion. Maybe singing a Beach Boys lullaby to Dakota Fanning will make you feel better.

Screw Stacee Jaxx. This is the Tom Cruise we want to see. Jerry Maguire 4 LIFE.

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Ciara LaVelle is New Times' former arts and culture editor. She earned her BS in journalism at Boston University and moved to Florida in 2004. She joined New Times' staff in 2011.
Contact: Ciara LaVelle