Real Housewives of Miami, Episode 12: Booze, Bites, and Bitch Fights

Did you guys know that there is another wedding on Real Housewives of Miami coming this season? Of course you did, because that is nearly the only thing these women ever discuss on each and every episode.

Two weeks ago, we got to see Adriana's 12-hour wedding affair take place. Now, as the season approaches an end, Joanna's turn is right around the corner.

See also: Real Housewives of Miami, Episode 11: Texas, Where Dreams Go To Die?

We catch up with the future Mrs. Romain as she plans for her very big day. Or at least Joanna says she's planning. She complains that she's just totally swamped, but truthfully, we just see her moving some papers around and making some phone calls. Girl, we know that trick; we do that at work every single day in an attempt to look busy.

Per usual, Lea Black has invited we the viewers into the world of everything Black. If last night marked the first time you have ever turned into this fabulous Bravo programming, you might have thought, "I thought I was watching reality, not infomercials." You thought correctly -- but Lea's gonna hock her lines of purses and beauty products any way she can. Hey, you can't hate her hustle. She's hocking handbags and face wash like George Foreman, with zero to little regret about any of it.

And in the name of making a buck, Mrs. Black decides its time to have a little party to celebrate the launch of her mile-sized clutches for seniors. (They are definitely for the AARP generation, right? Because they're so big, there is no way the olds could ever lose them?)

Ladies, we have all been to these type of soirees. You know the only reason they are having it is to promote some product that you don't care about It, but you still attend for the free booze and bites. But with a Real Housewives party, you get a little extra with your champagne: drama, of course.

After a few glasses or maybe six of bubbly, Lisa decides she has one goal and one goal only at this party: to make everyone love each other again. We love your dedication to the cause, gal, but let's be honest: I'll be riding a unicorn to work before all of these hussies exchange friendship bracelets. Just the suggestion of truly forgiving Adriana makes Joanna kick Lisa out of her wedding party/generally cause a complete scene. But look at it this way, Lisa: did you really want to be Joanna's bridesmaid in the first place? Being a bridesmaid is the worst; especially when the bride wants you flying across the country in the middle of a work week. Getting married on a Thursday, Joanna? Come on, now.

To end the evening, we focus once again on Mrs. Lea, because really, one party in your honor per week just isn't enough. The ladies head over to Casa de Black for a little booze, a random performance by John Rich, and all with the purpose of checking out her new living room. Yes, because if you haven't seen a brand new window treatment, well, you just haven't lived.

There was one significant moment: a rekindling for Lea and Adriana. Let's see how long this last. Maybe till five minutes into next week's episode? Stand by, bitches.

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories


All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >