Real Housewives of Miami Airs Tonight!

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Gird your loins: Real Housewives of Miami starts tonight! And while we're really excited to see it, well, the rest of the country isn't. People Magazine gave it one star and nicknamed it "Miami Without Spice." Wow, harsh. Lea Black told us to expect "above the belt drama," which translates to: we're going to give you something, but not too much.

And were here to rub a little something in your face: we have seen the

first episode. Was it spectacular? No, it wasn't. Will we watch every

episode? Yes, of course. And we will be recapping it every

Wednesday morning here at Cultist. Because we love this city and we want to see how these ladies

portray it. So before it airs on Bravo tonight, here are a few

things to look forward to.

Lea Black Has Beverly Hills Money: A lot of these ladies have money, but Lea has cash and lots of it. But what's good about her is that, yes, she has nice stuff, but she isn't obnoxcious about it. Well, she wasn't on the first episode at least. She lives in a house that Coral Gables was named after and yeah, it's freaking gorgeous.

Larsa Pippen: Real Housewife of Fort Lauderdale?: Coral Gables, we will take. We mean, its practically the same thing--we at least share an area code. But like we always say: once you go Dade, you never go Broward. We would rather die than have a 954 area code. And to get to the point: Mrs Pippen lives in Fort Lauderdale. How did she make the show again? Oh yeah, she has an NBA husband.

Their Friendship Doesn't Look Super Forced: You know how sometimes you watch these shows and think, "There is no way these bitches were friends before the show." And while Alexia admitted while we had her on the phone that the ladies weren't BFFs before, their new reality friendship seems to flow. Well, it does right now. God knows what is to come in the next few weeks.

Why Are They Attending a Fashion Show in Midtown? It's not just Midtown and no, we're not talking about hipster/art basel midtown.We're talking about right by where you get your groceries at Target and discounts at Loehmans. Once they got inside it looked more legit, but if you live in Miami, you know that thing must have been a tad low budget.

Here's how we see each lady's role panning out:
Lea Black--The Shit Stirrer: She is never and will never hold her tongue. But will always do it with a smile.

Marysol Patton--The Quiet One: We really don't see her getting caught up in the drama. We know she will always  have her business and reputation in the back of her mind.

Adriana DeMoura--The Target: She will be able to hold her own, but we see a few of the girls ganging up on her because of her "I don't give a shit what you think" attitude.

Alexia Echevarria--The Lone Ranger: She will be part of the show and might get involved in some drama, but she will never start it. Unlike the others, she doesn't have a bestie to back her up.

Larsa Pippen--The Mean Girl: You can tell when she has something to say about you, yeah, she is going to say it -- no matter the consequences. Reality shows don't work without cast members like Larsa.

Cristy Rice--Larsa's Back Up: We're not sure how much shit she will start, but what shit Larsa starts, Cristy is sure to have her back.

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.

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