| Lists |

Prop Bet Bonanza: Five Wagers To Make During the Super Blows

Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

Even those of you who are not degenerate gamblers have probably heard by now about the slew of annual proposition (prop) bets surrounding Sunday's Super Bowl. They're stupid we know, but truthfully, they add some color to what more often than not is a drab sporting event beset with enough pomp and circumstance to induce narcolepsy, even with those silly commercials.

So Cultist decided to add to the fun and come up with our own prop bets. Of course, you can't actually place a bet with us. That would be illegal. But live it up among friends or your bookie. Read on:

1. Fergie Pees Herself During Half Time Show. Odds: 10/1

There's been plenty of prop action surrounding the Black Eyed Peas

performing at halftime.

But we think the real action should be on whether Fergie can make it

through the show without visiting the restroom...in her pants. Or did you

not know Fergie's history with auto-erotic urination? We'll take the

likelihood of yellow rain inside the stadium.

2. Map Fair Virgins Versus the Over at Super Bowl: Take the Nerds

In case you somehow missed it, there's also the Miami International Map


going on Sunday. We know, it's a tough call--Super Bowl or Map Fair? Map

Fair or Super Bowl? Decisions, decision. In honor of one of the largest

single gatherings of map nerds in the world, we offer a prop bet on how

many virgins will be pacing the halls of HistoryMiami with magnifying glasses in

hand versus the over/under (44.5) at Super Bowl XLV. We'll take the

virgins. Too bad those treasure maps don't point out the location of the Golden

Valley of the Himalayas or the hairy jungles below (ooh, that's crass!)

3. Is Big Ben Going to Disney World? Odds: 7/1

Steelers Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger is on the verge being considered

among the best quarterbacks of all time. In six years, he's already won

two Super Bowls and might cement his third on Sunday. He's also a

scumbag who likes taking advantage of women in public bathrooms. That makes Bad Ben a big quandary for Madison Avenue. Should this All American weasel be used to

sell products? It's tradition for the winning Super Bowl

quarterback to say, "I'm going to Disney World." Should the Steelers

win; will Disney execs agree to put a microphone in Roethlisberger's mug

and ask him what's he going to do next? Any responsible corporate

citizen would say no. That's why we're taking Mickey to say yes.

4. Prostitutes in Dallas Versus Number of Votes for Luke as Mayor

Stay with us on this one. Apparently, hosting a Super Bowl brings a

traveling sex trade circus to town.

That's a lot of action. But we're thinking no matter how many hookers

there will be at the Super Bowl, there will be more Miamians

voting for Luther Campbell in his run for mayor. That's

right! We're taking Uncle Luke and his stripper tax!

5. Cultist Knows How to Spell. Odds: 5/1

Not to get too inside baseball, but we love it when readers point out

our mistakes. So we're betting the house that at least 3 comments will

helpfully inform us of the typo in this post's headline. Of course,

they'll be wrong. The Super Bowl does in fact blow, and we're not afraid

to say it!

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.