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Playboy TV Brings "The New Sexy" to Wynwood's Second Saturday (Photos, NSFW)

Take a look at the painting below. Closer. Closer still. What at first glance appears to be a fairly standard nature scene is actually a painting of a woman's runny nose. We think. If you're an anatomy expert, maybe you can correct us if we're wrong. And if you're not, you might want to join us at "The New Sexy," an art show opening tomorrow night at Cienfuegos Wynwood.

The aim of the show is to define what is sexy now. See, what you might think is sexy probably isn't. No one cares that businessmen in Asia pay handsomely for the whisker-rich Barbisol foam you've used to shave your legs. No one cares that the only prophylactic that fits you is a mostly empty Pringles tin. That's the old sexy.

If you want to be current on what's sexy now, you'll want to get your pert-but-rapidly-deteriorating behind over to Cienfuegos Wynwood, the arts space scientifically proven to burn with the heat of a hundred sexy fires. The show is a collaboration with Playboy TV and has asked 10 sexy artists to examine how sexiness has changed since the start of Playboy magazine. After all, decades before Hugh Hefner's time, it was the original toga partying grotto fondler Socrates who said, "The unexamined sexy is not worth getting freak-ay with."

Earlier this week, a queue of sexy people crammed into a private opening... er, vernissage... at the gallery. By the time you and your homely friends are allowed into the show tomorrow night, the traces of that party will be visible only by black light. Fortunately, we're here to provide you with some images by the artists in the show, so that you can lie to people and say you were there. If photos ever emerge from the event, just say you were standing behind the giant pile of writhing naked bodies.

From what we can tell, the new sexy involves women who are free-spirited and independent. Instead of being objectified, they will spend their time knowing how to do things like working together to fix cars:

Smearing your naked body with Twinkies was part of the old sexy. With the new sexy, processed foods are eschewed for locally sourced, fresh fruits and vegetables:

Ditziness is so old sexy. No one wants to make love to a forgetful person, unless you're really bad at making love. But you're not. You're sexy...new sexy. And that's why you want someone who goes beyond merely tying a string around her finger to remember important things:

New sexy people are always well groomed. They don't let their appearances slide just because they might not have a nail clipper handy:

It used to be that illiteracy was the carpool lane to Bonertown. Not anymore. The new sexy means encouraging reading, whether it is a musty old book or something written on the waist of a mysterious ghost flapper with a stuffed animal:

Whew! That wasn't just sexy...that was new sexy. Want more? Of course you do. For more information, visit cienfuegoswynwood.com, you sexy bitch.

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