Pepe Billete's Open Letter to Lil Wayne

Dear Dwayne Michael Carter, Jr.,

Acere, it looks like it's time for you to start re-evaluating your public image and the legacy you're going to leave behind for your kids to follow. Right now, as far as the human race goes, you're a step below una cucaracha con trensas. In the past five years alone, you've managed to turn every group from women to midgets against you, yet somehow you still haven't realized what's blatantly obvious to the rest of us: that you've become the architect of your own demise.

Normally I would have offered you a bit of pingu advice to help you realize the error of your ways, but since you've managed to insult my team, my city, and my people, I'm going to help you turn your slow descent into irrelevance into a plummet that's going to make the Red Bull Space Jump look like a ride at the Dade County Youth Fair.

Listen here, "Weasel" Wayne: I'm pulling your ho card. You've been making a lot of scandalous news lately, but why don't you tell the public the truth about why your bitch-ass has been acting like un sapingo in public lately? Do you expect us to believe it's a coincidence that your new album (appropriately named) I Am Not a Human Being 2 comes out in a month, just as you are generating as much press as possible to draw attention to yourself? The album's cover depicts a moth -- could you be planning on using the symbolic metaphor of "change" associated with that image to later win back all the people you pissed off, disrespected, and insulted during its marketing campaign?

Of course, you won't admit to any of that shit -- because you're a ho, pipo. And just like all hoes, getting you to shake your ass is just a matter of throwing enough money at you. You may be a baller, but you have a price.

Bandz a make ya dance.

You have no dignity or respect for anything, including the struggle of your own people. You orchestrated the release of a song disrespecting the memory of a martyr of the civil rights movement during Black History Month, just so you can get a little more media attention. And if that weren't enough, the person whose memory you chose to disgrace with your vile bullshit was that of a 14-year-old child who was tortured and murdered. Acere, lo tuyo no tiene nombre. The levels of your depravity are so low that if Ben & Jerry's were to create an ice-cream flavor after you, it would be called "Vomito con Pinga."

Bandz a make ya dance.

Eres un mierda, you are the absolute furthest thing from un macho I've ever seen. Eres peor que el focking Drake, compadre. Por lo menos el Drake is just soft, but you're not only soft, papa, you're straight pussy. You're a 30-year-old father dressing like a 15-year-old Hot Topic employee just so you can stay relevant to the white people that call you a clown. You're so fucking clueless that if you fell into into a barrel full of tetas, you'd come up sucking two dicks.

Bandz a make ya dance.

The sad part is that you're so out of touch with reality you think you look like a "skater," but what you don't realize is that you actually look like una negra marimacha playing bench in the WNBA.

And you call yourself the modern-day Tupac? Sorry, papo, you're more like a modern-day minstrel show, a disgrace to your own people.

Bandz a make ya dance.

So here you are now with your shit-talking and lies about the Heat getting you banned from the NBA just so you can make a few headlines on our backs? Really, bitch? You must have seriously lost your fucking mind. This is Miami, baby. Don't let the sun and the cocaine fool you. Aquí hay hombre, pingu y macho no maricones como tu. And don't let the term fool you, pipo -- un maricón has nothing to do with being gay; I wouldn't dare insult the gay community by associating them with the likes of you. No, un maricón is an ostentatious little bitch who has to constantly draw attention to himself because he has no substance or charisma otherwise. You, sir, are the epitome of that definition.

Bandz a make ya dance.

Sure, you can say you'll come back to Miami and no one will care about your statements, but that shit is only going to fly on South Beach, pipo. I dare you to bring that shit over the bridge. Actually, I think you already know that, because you decided to humiliate the most gentle and mild-mannered member of the team, El Bosh. That's because you know if you would have said some fuck shit like that about el primo mio Udonis, you would have had all of Overtown and a Cuban puppet up your ass. Let's get something straight, "Little" man: You may have all the money in the world, but the only thing that shit will ever buy you is the respect of broke bitches and whores like you. All of that billete will never earn you the respect of un pingu, and it just so happens Miami is a city known for its pingus. So your best bet is to get the fuck out of here before shit gets too hot for you.

That said, I'm holding all of Miami accountable for blacklisting "Weasel" Wayne from Miami. I'm talking to you, Dave Grutman, owner of LIV. We don't want to hear about your club playing host to his entourage just because he's dropping a million dollars in your place. Show him that dignity has no price here. Be un pingu and show us you give a fuck about the city you live in.

I'm talking to you, 99 Jamz. Stop playing the music of a man who clearly has no respect for our city, our people, and, much worse, the African-American community as a whole. We have plenty of local artists who are immensely more talented than that piece of garbage. Play more fucking Gunplay, cojones!

Finally, I'm talking to you, Miami! It's up to you to show Lil Wayne and YMCMB that talking shit about Miami has repercussions. Boycott their music, avoid clubs that play Weasel Wayne's songs, and if he comes to your place of business, tell him VPLP no matter how much money he tempts you with. Show him what Miami Pride is really focking about, cojones! Show him that in the 305, we may pop "bandz," but we don't fucking dance for no one!


Follow Pepe on Twitter @PepeBillete and visit 305PLP.com.

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.

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Miami New Times staff