Pain & Gain Premiere: Mark Wahlberg's Rhymes and Ed Harris' 'Roid Rage on the Red Carpet (VIDEO)

Last night, Regal South Beach Cinemas hosted the world premiere of Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson and Mark Wahlberg's Pain & Gain, director Michael Bay's most elaborate contribution yet to National Poetry Month.

It's not every day that big stars come to Miami for something other than stealing people's cell phones or insulting hamburgers. But for New Times, which published Pete Collins' two-part cover story on which the film is based, this was the proud-parent equivalent of posting a 98 percent spelling quiz on every refrigerator in the nation.

See also:
- Pain & Gain: From New Times Story to Michael Bay Film
- Pain & Gain's Red-Band Trailer: Midgets, Macklemore, and Monk Getting Tased

Join us as Mark Wahlberg considers backing the world's first great Foxy Boxing film, Tony Shaloub shares his steroid routine, and Anthony Mackie talks about how angry people are at the post office. Ed Harris, who would make a great pick for the next postmaster general, tries to kill us with his eyes and might have succeeded were it not for the speedy intervention of a nearby publicist.

Look for Pain & Gain in theaters everywhere beginning April 26. And look for Ed Harris whistling as he pats down the dirt of our shallow grave with the back of a bloody shovel in a remote field near you.

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B. Caplan