No Bucks, No Glory

The Milwaukee Bucks are so lousy that the NBA ought to add animated stink lines to them when they hit the court. They lose more often than a cross-eyed dart player. The only upset they’ve pulled off was when their mama saw them for the first time. If they tried...

By Jacob Katel

November 13, 2014

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The Milwaukee Bucks are so lousy that the NBA ought to add animated stink lines to them when they hit the court. They lose more often than a cross-eyed dart player. The only upset they’ve pulled off was when their mama saw them for the first time. If they tried dropping a bowling ball from a skyscraper, they’d miss. They couldn’t press the court if they had media passes to a judicial proceeding. The Bucks flop harder than five barracudas on a boat deck. One time, the Bucks beat everyone and took home a championship. Then they woke up alone in a roomful of cats in the winter, with nothing but a microwave and a can of spaghetti. They’re such losers that Wheel of Fortune asked them to sponsor both Bankrupt and Lose a Turn. But let’s face it — just because the Bucks suck at basketball doesn’t mean the Miami Heat will treat them to anything other than a mortifyingly agonizing defeat this Sunday at AmericanAirlines Arena (601 Biscayne Blvd., Miami). The game starts at 6 p.m., and tickets cost $25 to $340. Call 800-653-8000 or visit miamiheat.com.
Sun., Nov. 16, 6 p.m., 2014

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