Muscles and Mommy Issues

Speedos. Sparkles. Hot, sweaty man meat. Typically, this kind of homoeroticism is saved for Club Twist. But add a little face paint, a lot of yelling, and jumps from the top rope, and suddenly it’s the pinnacle of man-tertainment. The WWE loves Miami this time of year, probably so its wrestlers can get some sun in the middle of winter, maintaining year-round that leathery brown tan they’ve all perfected. Don’t get it twisted — wrestling is still a soap opera for men. Sample story line: One guy was sleeping with another guy’s girl, whose mother is the sister of another guy, but then it turns out she wasn’t his mother after all, so they start hooking up, and then WWE in all its brilliance flirts with the idea they might actually be related. Did you see that time when an 80-year-old woman gave birth to a hand? Good God, who couldn’t love this stuff? The latest crop of stars, including John Cena, Batista, and WWE champion John Orton, hits the American Airlines Arena (601 Biscayne Blvd., Miami) this Friday, for WWE Live, which features stars of both Raw and SmackDown.
Fri., Jan. 31, 7:30 p.m., 2014
KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Ric Delgado