Ever since I got arrested for stealing monster trucks in ’98, I’ve been locked up inside these four prison walls, dreaming of Grave Digger. See, Daddy was a racecar driver, and Mama was a checkered-flag girl. I grew up in pit stops at illegal mud races all over the South. I was boosting Hondas with my first crew of banditos when I was just 6 years old. By the time I was 16, I was shipping stolen trucks to Russian crime bosses every other month. On my 18th birthday, I spent $275,000 on chicken wings and lap dances just because I could. But there’s no smell sweeter than a supercharged engine burning methanol. And nothing in this world is better than six tons of steel flying through a flaming wall of junkers.
Hell, I’d give up a leg or an eye to go to Monster Jam this Saturday at Sun Life Stadium (347 Don Shula Dr., Miami Gardens). All the trucks — from Backwards Bob to El Diablo, Scooby-Doo, and El Toro Loco — are gonna be there. Tickets cost $18 to $40 presale, $2 additional the day of the show, and $10 to $12 for kids ages 2 to 12. The pit party begins at 2 p.m., gates open at 5, and the show starts at 7. Call 305-943-8000 or visit monsterjam.com.
Sat., Feb. 14, 7:30 p.m., 2015