They say money can't buy love. But "they" are obviously not from Miami, the "filthy rich old men driving around with 22-year-old wannabe supermodels sitting in the passenger seats of their red Ferraris" capital of the world.
Let's put the anti-Hallmark bullshit aside and be frank: Valentine's Day is all about wooing your significant other, and when money is no object, you can tug on those heartstrings with even mightier force. We're not talking about boxes of fancy chocolates or two dozen crimson roses. We're talking about chartering aircrafts, hiring private chefs, and other over-the-top ridiculousness.
Here's what Miami suitors willing to go to the ends of the Earth (or at least their pockets) for their gold-digging lovers are spending their money on this year.
Steamy couples' spa treatments
Couples that spa together stay together. That's what the Mandarin
Oriental claims, anyway. The hotel's doing its civic duty by lowering divorce
rates with a romantic (read: pricey) spa treatment for two. The Couples
Delight costs $720 per person, for two hours of pampering and muscle tension
relief. Treatments take place side by side in a lush VIP couples' suite
with waterfront views. Plus, the experience comes with a bottle of champagne and macarons, and everyone knows that macarons are like The Real
Housewives; every girl loves 'em. $360 per hour -- that's reasonable, right?
Wooing, Mission Impossible-style
Don't you just hate it when Miami traffic throws cold water on your romantic plans? There's one sure-fire way to avoid that fate: hire a private
aircraft. Chartering a helicopter with
Helicopters Over Miami for a one-hour sunset aerial tour of the city
comes with a $700 price tag. Few things make the heart beat irregularly
like a helicopter ride 6,000 feet above the ground. Just try to stay in the wooing mood, rather than geeking out on all the gadgets in the cockpit. Nothing kills a date faster than showing interest in another man's joystick.
The Love Boat
Master romancers looking to impress have the
option of taking their sweeties on a high-tide rendezvous aboard the
Azimut--one of Golden Yacht Charters' million-dollar vessels. Starting at
$3,267 for a half-day tour, sweethearts can sip bubbly and set sail for
a tour of Star Island, Fisher Island, and the skyscrapers of
downtown Miami. The 80-foot luxury vessel is equipped with a dining
area, a galley, a main salon, retractable canvas top, a plasma
TV, and has four cabins -- so yeah, you'll have plenty of places to get it on. There's also a sun deck where couples can do
their best Jack and Rose bow scene re-enactment, if you're into that sort of thing.
Fake it for the sake of real love
Fine, you're not rich. (Sucker.) But can you pretend to be? With luxury concierge
companies like Dream Big Concierge, you can rent your way through the
lifestyles of the rich and famous. Suitors can rent a Miami Beach
mansion starting at only $5,000. For $300 per person, a house chef will
cook a three-course meal, and for $150 per hour, a violinist will play
slow, smooth melodies in the background. They even have private jets should a last-minute
trip to St. Lucia be necessary to further astonish. Wait, did we say you didn't have to be rich to do this stuff? Oops. Scratch that part.
Honeymoon like Brangelina
This is the real deal, folks. If you're a Saudi Arabian prince or
running a booming hedge fund, this is the V-day escape for you. Picture this, if you will:
The Setai's Star Style Experience begins with a change of clothes, suiting men up in a custom-tailored Domenica Vacca suit and Asprey
diamond-and-sapphire cufflinks. The noblewoman will be decked out in a
Domenica Vacca frock and accessorized with Asprey Lily Pad diamond
studs. After the lovers are glammed up, they'll have a photo shoot with a professional photographer. No, we're not kidding. The rest
of the evening includes champagne tasting in the Setai's Wine Cellar,
accompanied with the finest caviar, closing with a dinner
prepared by a Michelin Star-awarded chef. (But of course.) Playing dress up and guzzling
champagne can be simply exhausting, so naturally, the
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to Miami New Times's mission. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Miami's stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
$50,000 price tag includes a two-night stay in a one-bedroom ocean-view