| Sports |

Miami Heat Probably Won Game Two Thanks to Brujeria Hex

Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

We watched the Miami Heat castrate the Chicago Bulls from Mike's Bar at Venetia last night and reveled along with the rest of the city as LeBron, Dwyane, and Udonis took the wind out of the Windy City. But what few might know is that there were Brujeros, voodoo priests, and other magic men working hard to make sure Luol Deng's game magically turned to poop after he killed the Heat in Game 1 and early on in Game 2.

How's this you ask? What strange power put our magic men to work against the evil Bulls? How else, a freaking app! That's right, the recently introduced Sports Hex app allows fans to cast sharable hexes on any player or team and choose the means of their demise at the hands of a voodoo priests, Brujeros, or witchcraft practitioners. Type in an athlete's name and watch disaster ensue. "The target's name is instantly sent to a pre-cursed inbox on a computer in the possession of your chosen practitioner," states the Sport Hex web site.

It makes sense. After all, silly sports fans have been putting their own

hexes, jinxes, or generally throwing out bad vibes toward opposing teams and

players since the advent of sport. Really, it was just a matter of time

till this practice found its way to iPhones.

But back to last night's game. As we watched Deng sink a half-court three-pointer at the

buzzer to end the first quarter, we had just about given up on the Heat's season. Then someone in the bar said, "Watch this. I'm going to put a hex on

his ass!" As we watched stupefied, he took out his iPhone and pulled up the

Sports Hex app. He targeted Deng, applied a Brujeria hex, and from then

on the Bull magically got a pair of butterfingers. If you doubt the veracity of this claim, you can actually see the hex on the web site.

Sure, there's no way of knowing for sure whether this Sport Hex

had any real impact on Deng. After all, according to the web site, several

other hex's were made against LeBron (including one that said "LeBron's

fragile little heart was hexed with Brujeria.") and other Heat players,

and they obviously didn't work. Sports Hex itself doesn't guarantee


Does it work? We don't know. But we can say with real

conviction that after what we've witnessed during the creation of this

app, none of us would want OUR name showing up in a practitioner's

inbox. The real question is, how badly do you want your team to win? 99

cents may be all it takes to tip the karmic balance.

Still, we won't bet against it after last night and especially after watching the bios of the team of magic men Sports Hex has working for the app.

Check out a Voodoo priest's explanation of how it all goes down:

And here's a Brujero:

Here are some other examples of recent hexes from the Sports Hex:

Anyone who gets in Haslem's way was hexed with a Brujeria

The basketball player named Gibson was hexed with a Brujeria.

Dallas Mavericks was hexed with a Chaos Witchcraft.

4 days ago

The Yankees was hexed with a Brujeria.

4 days ago

Villanova was hexed with a Chaos Witchcraft.

4 days ago

Bucknell in OT was hexed with a Brujeria.

5 days ago

CC Sebathia was hexed with a Brujeria.

(We're pretty sure this one didn't work since they misspelled CC Sabathia's name.)

5 days ago

Hofstra Lacrosse was hexed with a Voodoo.

5 days ago

The goaltending skills of Pierce Bassett was hexed with a Brujeria.

7 days ago

The Siena College Saints was hexed with a Brujeria.

(Siena College, really!)

7 days ago

The mind of Celtics Head Coach Doc Rivers was hexed with a Brujeria.

(This one obviously worked, although the hexer might have gone overboard

since we learned that Doc Rivers had to have throat surgery after the

playoff lost to the Heat. But he's ok now.)

Download the Sports Hex app from sportshex.com.

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.