New Times Story">
How big is Mark Wahlberg? That's a fully grown man he's hanging out with.
How big is Mark Wahlberg? That's a fully grown man he's hanging out with.
Pacific Coast News

Mark Wahlberg in Pain & Gain: Actor Now "Insanely Buff" For Adaptation of New Times Story


The famous actor who now insists on being called Mark Wahlberg is in Miami, starring in a Michael Bay adaptation of a circa-2000 New Times investigation, Pain & Gain. He went to the beach yesterday with his wife and kids, and we are proud to say that because of something we wrote twelve years ago, Wahlberg now looks like a big, 'roided-up freak. Or as puts it-- and they know best-- he is now "insanely buff."

The real-life story is that of juicing gym rats who turn to violent crime. And apparently in Wahlberg's case, you cant mimic the physique of a white Barry Bonds without some bodily abuse. As we reported, the actor-- 4 Eva known for his galvanizing performance in Fear-- has been tumbling, dangling, and running around film shoots in Little Havana and Wynwood, like a manchild hopped up on speed.

We're hoping that this level of super-buffness is the beginning, and his physique gets out of control and a few months from now TMZ will be reporting that Wahlberg is prowling South Beach in a Speedo, knocking people's lattes over with his firm man-boobs and throwing tables into the street.

We now leave you with some poetry: "He put his muscles to the test by dunking his six-year-old son Michael in and out of the sea."

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