Local Casino Will Give Away $1 Million If Prince William Leaves Kate at Altar

Finally. A few Americans are getting back to their colonial roots and rejecting the fairytale of tomorrow's Royal Wedding. While it doesn't pack the same punch as throwing tea into Boston Harbor, South Florida's Seminole Casino Coconut Creek is injecting a little real-word cynicism into the affair.

They're giving away $1 million if Prince William leaves Kate at the altar. Hang on, that sounds more like a soul-crushing marketing move than anti-monarchist social commentary. In fact, it ranks right up there with that Facebook app that tracks friends' relationship status so vultures can pounce on the heartbroken.

Those looking to profit from one young couple's heartbreak are asked to swipe

their Seminole Players Cards at a casino kiosk before 9:45 a.m.

tomorrow for a chance to win.

And tomorrow, if Kate Middleton stands solo at Westminster Abbey (tearfully

clutching her teenage poster of Prince William), the casino will award

$1 million to a random winner at 10 a.m. (Some small print: That cash

will be cursed with extremely bad karma and every time you buy anything

with it, a young girl will watch her new puppy get hit by a car.) If Prince William saddles up next to Kate and ties the Windsor knot,

the casino will giveaway $10,000. So basically, sadness is 100 times

more valuable than love.

What's the likelihood that William will get cold feet? Well, from what

we hear, tuxedo rental in London is pretty steep and you don't get your

deposit back if you change your royal mind. On the other hand, Prince Willy has

already refused to wear a wedding ring. Ruh-roh.

What's the likelihood that such

Royal Wedding details have made you sick? Well, pretty high. Thankfully,

there are Royal Wedding vomit bags for just such an occasion.

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories


All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >