Lady Gaga Smells Like Blood and Semen

​Yes, you read that headline correctly. According to, Lady Gaga of the land "Telephone," has her own perfume in the works. Apparently, she's aiming for some seriously corporeal aromas and not the good kind (like babies). Rather, her eau de toilette will smell of blood and semen. We suppose the idea is for all us to reek of Gaga's nocturnal adventures and club carnage. Why not add base notes of tobacco smoke and vodka-tinged puke? 

Reportedly, the scent will be called Monster. Who the hell doesn't want to douse themselves with something named after a beastly creature, which isn't totally human but smells entirely too human? This will be the joke gift under every gay Christmas tree next year, guaranteed. 

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Liz Tracy has written for publications such as the New York Times, the Atlantic, Refinery29, W, Glamour, and, of course, Miami New Times. She was New Times Broward-Palm Beach's music editor for three years. Now she plays one mean monster with her 2-year-old son and obsessively watches British mysteries.
Contact: Liz Tracy