Kim Kardashian and Sisters to Receive the Keys to North Miami Today

Wow, Andre Pierre. You really wanted to meet the Kardashians, huh?

I mean, we get it. Millions of TV viewers are obsessed with them. They've got all kinds of famous connections. They're pretty hot.

But using your title as North Miami mayor to stage an "official welcome ceremony" in which you give the keys to your very own city to our country's most infamous celebutantes seems, well, a little desperate.

See also:
- Kim and Kourtney Kardashian Starting "War" with North Miami Residents
- Kim Kardashian Does Not Live in the Ghetto, Despite What You May Have Read
- The Kim Kardashian Sex Tape Sequel You've Been Waiting For Doesn't Actually Exist

It's an especially tragic move after the Kardashians were famously rejected by residents in more upscale neighborhoods near South Beach, their first choice of filming and temporary living locations. When the family unwillingly took their talents to North Miami instead, the general blogosphere consensus was that the Kardashians had moved to some real-life tropical version of New Jack City.

Oh yeah, and there's the issue of your constituents voicing complaints about being inconvenienced by film crews and paparazzi.

But you're still moving forward with your "special presentation" to the Kardashians this afternoon. And you're even taking the gals out to lunch afterward. How gentlemanly of you.

You know what, Andre Pierre? We hope your wildest hopes and dreams for today's ceremony come true. We hope Bruce Jenner shows up and offers you his Olympic gold medal as a token of appreciation for supporting his daughters' creative endeavors. We hope Lamar Odom notices you've been working out lately, and casually invites you to join his weekly pick-up game. We hope Kim Kardashian offers you a screening of that secret sex tape everyone keeps talking about. And we hope that, as you take the podium and are about to bestow the keys to North Miami to the sisters, Kanye West jumps on stage and steals your microphone, shouting "Imma let you finish, but Herrera Bower is the greatest Miami-Dade mayor of all time!"

It wouldn't make the ceremony any less embarrassing, but at least it would be entertaining.

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