Who doesn't all want another excuse to go drinking and misbehaving during the work week? Such is the allure of kickball leagues in Miami and across the country. That and finding intelligent women! The sport is thriving and there are several leagues in Miami-Dade sponsored by World Adult Kickball Association (WAKA), including one in Peacock Park in Coconut Grove which starts next Friday (sign up here!)
But the thrill of competition is only part of what makes kickball fun. There's also the ogling coworkers in skimpy athletic gear, wearing wristbands and headbands for no discernible reason, and possibly hooking up with (or even better yet getting rejected by) Susie from accounting and then having to face her the next day. The point is kickball is here to stay as an adult pseudo-sport. But sadly, kickball season eventually comes to an end. Luckily, Cultist is here to suggest five other fake-sport-leagues-that-are-just-an-excuse-to-drink-and-get-laid.
5. Paddle Tetherball, S&M Style
Apparently mining playground games of our youth is where it's at for
adults looking for after work fun, so we'll start with paddle
tetherball. A slight variation on the game Napoleon Dynamite played,
this sport involves smacking a ball tied to a poll with a wood
paddle. The game has its limitations as a league sport, but what it
lacks in every imaginable definition of sport, it makes up for in ready
made sex props. There is the rope (or tether) which can be used to tie
up kinky Susie from accounting, a ball which can be used as a ball gag,
and a wood paddle for, you guessed it, some light spanking.
4. Strip Box Ball (aka Four Square for Strippers)
Remember this game: four boxes drawn within a larger square in chalk on
the floor and you one bounce a large rubber ball to any of your
opponents' boxes to see who messes up first. In our version remove an
article of clothing every time you foul up. With a strip element in the
mix, and we're sure eventually more boxes will be exposed.
3. Butts-Up (aka Wall Ball, Burn Ball, Red Butt, Fumble, Asses Up, Suicides, No Fear, and Sting)
More than foreplay, this game is perfect for the times you really want
to get back at co-workers who got that promotion and raise you didn't.
You play by throwing a tennis ball or rubber ball violently against a
wall and when somebody eventually bobbles and drops the rebound, they
have to sprint to the wall before getting beamed by the other player. In
some versions of the game, if you don't get to the wall before somebody
grabs the ball, you have to stand next to the wall, lean forward with
"butt up" and let your opponent peg you.
Dodgeball is very popular, even more popular than kickball we'd guess.
As well as being tailor made for a league sport between workers in
different divisions of the same company, or different companies in the
same industry, it is yet another example of a sport/game to help
get out any lingering anger from the workplace. If you grew up in this country, you should know how to play. If not, check out the clip from Dodgeball, for some tips on learning.
1. Cock Stride
Admittedly, this game only makes our list because we think it
will be fun to try and convince your coworkers to
sign up for a game of Cock Stride. And then explaining how the game
works. Here's how it goes: Between 3 and 15 individuals are needed and
they need caps or hats of some kind or if all else fails you can pay
with crumpled paper as well. One player--the cock--is blindfolded and
stands in the stride position. The other players take turns throwing the
caps between the cock's legs from five to ten feet behind the cock.
They then go and stand next to wherever their cap landed. When everyone
is done the cock drops on all fours and, while still blindfolded, crawls
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forward until he touches someone. That person immediately becomes the
next cock and is chased by the rest of the group. When he or she is
caught they are pummeled. That's right, everybody pummels the cock.