Miami's an expensive city. Whether it's jacked up parking prices, costly concert tickets, or the Lobster cooked in foie gras and opium at that new restaurant on South Beach (worth every penny in this writer's opinion), a weekend out on the town will leave you more in debt than our National Treasury. If you're looking for ways to scrimp and save, look to Miami's second-hand stores, thrift malls, and other havens of penny pinching. We've compiled a small sample of the treasures they contain.
Kenny Rogers '84 World Tour Long Sleeve Shirt
Perfect For: People Nostalgic For a Time Where Country Music Was Relevant
Maybe you know Kenny Rogers from his string of classic country hits? Or
maybe you know him from his starring turn in The Gambler series of TV
movies? Or his chain of roasted chicken restaurants? You probably know
very little about Kenny Rodgers and just want something cool to wear out
on the town. That's OK. Walk with pride as you adorn your chest with
Roger's bearded face. The long sleeves may cause you some discomfort in
this heat, not helped by the fact the shirt seems to have been made with
the finest itchy fabric Reagan-era sweatshops had to offer. But
remember: If you were going to put comfort over fashion, you'd be wearing
sweatpants, right?
Perfect For: Your Little Sister Circa 1999
Joey Fatone may not be your favorite N'Sync member. He may not even be
your second favorite. Owning a Joey Fatone bobblehead tells the world
that you're OK with not being top dog. That you appreciate that you're
lucky to be along for the ride. It makes an excellent paperweight if
you're trying to liven up your office. Or you can use the bobble to have
Joey nod yes emphatically at you when you pretend you're Justin
Timberlake.
Bacardi Ice BucketPerfect For: Alcoholics Concerned with Bar Decorum
Fan of rum? Tired of having cocktail parties ruined by stuffy guests too
good to use your ice machine to fill their glass? Then this Bacardi ice
bucket is the perfect fit for you. Finally an ice bucket that lets
people know how dedicated you are to your rum. Sure, it was purchased at a
thrift store and God knows what may have been put inside over the
years, but that shouldn't stop you. Just wash it out a couple of times
with bleach and you too can 'Come to
Bacardi.' (Where is Bacardi exactly? We say its anywhere you start to get your alkie shakes and tremors.)
Minor-League-Baseball-Announcer-as-Mascot CaricaturePerfect For: Minor League Baseball Announcers Wanting a Caricature of Themselves as their Team Mascot
Confession time: I don't know for sure if the man depicted in this work
of art is actually a baseball announcer. He could be a team manager. Or
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even a half-human, half-dragon hybrid forced into a job as a sports
mascot in an attempt to acclimate into society. Either way, it's a
conversation starter. Who is this man? Why is there a caricature of him?
This piece as much a mystery at the reason by Mona Lisa's smile.
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