Jake Paul
Courtesy of 42West

Jake Paul Is Coming to Miami on Tour, and Social Media Has Ruined Us All

Years ago, the internet was full of promise. Sci-fi works such as The Matrix, Serial Experiments Lain, and William Gibson's Neuromancer, which coined the term "cyberspace," pictured the interconnected world of computers as an immersive, fully interactive simulacrum, where individuals could leave their earthly selves behind and be reborn in a new, better, virtual community.

That was what we were promised. But it's 2018, and instead of enjoying those magical possibilities, we have social media. We scream at one another on Twitter. We falsify our own lives and glamorize those of others on Instagram. We put all of our personal information on Facebook so that it can be given to consulting firms that help vile, moronic cretins like Donald Trump win elections. Even worse, we make celebrities out of people such as Jake Paul, who will visit Miami on tour this May.

Paul, if you are not familiar, is a high-school dropout and so-called digital celebrity who rose to fame on Vine and boasts more than 14 million subscribers on YouTube. His work includes music videos for rap songs but mostly consists of "vlogs" with vulgar, all-caps titles such as "SMASHING MY LAMBORGHINI WINDSHIELD!!" and "UNDERWEAR YOGA CHALLENGE IN THE SNOW!!" and content that shows him in various absurd, attention-grabbing situations. He straps firecrackers to his legs and films the explosions. He pepper-sprays himself. It's as if Paul watched Jackass and asked himself: "How can I make this dumber?"

That's not all: Paul also lives in a mansion in Los Angeles' upscale Calabasas neighborhood, to where he moved after his antics made him a public nuisance to the residents of Beverly Grove. His brother, Logan, is also a YouTube star and is most infamous for filming dead people in Japan's Aokigahara Jukai, AKA "Suicide Forest."

Should you or someone you know wish to shun all reason and moral decency and commune with this disgustingly famous mook, he and his cadre of teen idol/web star acolytes known as Team 10 will perform at the Fillmore Miami Beach Wednesday, May 30 (which is a school night). Expect "live musical performances, exclusive merchandise, audience participation, special guests, games, and challenges" during the show, according to a news release. Presumably, Paul will also take to the streets of Miami to film his stupid vlog and drive a rented Lamborghini into the ocean and take a shit on it. That's what people want to see, right? Social media was a mistake. Delete your accounts and be free from this evil, rotting mess.

Jake Paul and Team 10. 6 p.m. Wednesday, May 30, at the Fillmore, 1700 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 305-673-7300; fillmoremb.com. Presale begins Wednesday, March 21, at 10 a.m. and general sale begins Friday, March 23, at 10 a.m. via livenation.com.

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