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Is My Fiancé a Perv for Visiting a Dominatrix?

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Don't know which hand to hold the whip in? Get sex, love, relationship advice from Mistress Lera by emailing askadomme@miaminewtimes.com. Read more about Mistress Lera at Notes From a Miami Dominatrix.

Dear Mistress Lera,

I'm engaged to a very successful corporate lawyer. He went to Harvard Law, has been banking six figures ever since he was 24, and is well on his way to becoming partner in the firm. Every morning, he puts on his cufflinks, grabs his lambskin briefcase, and I'm so proud of him. But recently, he confessed that before he met me, he had regular appointments with a professional dominatrix. Why would a man who has his shit so together pay someone to whip him? I don't want to marry a sexual deviant.

Sincerely,
Cold Feet

Dear Cold Feet,

Lawyers, politicians, Wall Streeters, and hedge fund guys, see professional dominants for many reasons, but mostly it's because they want to feel what it's like to surrender all of their power for at least one hour. They want to be the ones who serve, get verbally insulted, and humiliated. These men are dominant men outside the world of BDSM, and sometimes after yelling, screaming, and treating those who work for them like crap, they want to be treated like shit. I call it balance of power.

Men of such high positions need that aforementioned balance of power restored. They fear if they do not receive the reality checks, they might go all Patrick Bateman as in American Psycho. As a professional dominatrix, I've seen a handful of such men. And all these men wanted the same things done to them in a session. They wanted total power exchange where they would fully submit to me and do as I please, they wanted humiliation (at times public), and they wanted pain, and at times, quite a lot of it.

Your fiancé is not a sexual deviant or a pervert for visiting a professional domme. It may help to think of the dominatrix as a sort of chiropractor, realigning his sense of power and control that may have very well swollen to an uncomfortable size. Truth be told, she actually did you a favor. She cracked him into shape so he would have the capacity to reveal his sensitives and vulnerabilities to you now.

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