Sex & Gender

Is it Book Smart To Come Out of the Closet?

Sex, love, relationship advice from a professional dominatrix. Got questions? Drop an e-mail to [email protected], you naughty boys and girls. Read more about Mistress Lera at Notes From a Miami Dominatrix.

Dear Mistress Lera,

I have a real problem. I am a young female who happens to be, well, a lesbian. None of my friends know and you can forget about my parents who are total Bible freaks. I want to come out and tell everybody, but I am afraid people around me and those closest to me would judge me based on my sexual preference. I am going away to college next year and am scared shitless that if my parents find out they would cut my college funds. What should I do? Do I tell them? Do I tell my friends?


Still in Closet

Hey Girl,

This is a tough question to answer, really is. On one hand, I know how hard it is to keep a secret from your friends and close relatives. On the other hand, you know that if you come out and tell everybody, they might react in the least supportive way possible--especially your parents who, it seems, would rather do Bible thumping than any dirty humping.

I was in a similar situation a few months ago when I was dying to tell my friends and family that I worked as a dominatrix, but had to keep my mouth shut because I didn't know how they would react. My parents grew up in the former Soviet Union and, like most ex-commies, are very sexually conservative. I knew telling them would be a bad idea. In heir close-minded heads, people like me should be locked up in loony bins. They view any kink as some sort of psychological disorder. But my friends were different. Even my vanilla friends took it very well. When I told them I was a dominatrix who tortures men for a living they were shocked but still quite accepting of me and my profession.

Determining when and to whom you come out to can be tricky. Although it's nobody's business who you fuck and how, I think you should wait until you move out of your parent's house and actually go to college. You've waited for so long, so just wait another year. You can share your sexual preference with your friends, but be very careful how you bring up the subject. I know we live in the 21st century, but people can still be tight asses (and not in a good way) when it comes to sexuality and kinks.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

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Lera Gavin