Human Centipede Spawns Torture-Porn Cat Toys, Jewelry, and Tattoos

courtesy of IFC Films

Human Centipede's evildoer.

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Forget Silence of the Lambs. Now there's a movie that's trumps all existing worst case scenarios if you find yourself kidnapped. The Human Centipede is a recent Dutch horror film where captive tourists are sewn together, mouth to anus. We refuse to write those two words that close to each other again, so soak it in. And as if that weren't enough torture, the maniac kidnapper first describes his Siamese poop triplet idea to them via PowerPoint.

Human Centipede was released in theaters a few months ago, but you sick bastards get another chance to see it next week, details below. To be honest, we couldn't even make it to the end of the trailer (posted after the jump) once we heard the captives' muffled cries. But a quick look around the internet shows the shock flick has some adamant fans. We found Human Centipede cat toys, tattoos, and even jewelry. Really? Yes, really. Keep reading.

In a world where there are random acid attacks and lampshades made from

human skin, Human Centipede's plot doesn't seem all that improbable. So

we have to remind our inner nine-year-olds that it's just a movie. That

guy staring at you at the bus stop is simply memorized by your dangly

earrings. He doesn't have a sewing kit in his pocket and an excrement

fetish. Still, who's the sick freak who dreamed up this horror?

The filmmaker, Tom Six, says he got the idea for the movie after he and

his friends joked that the ultimate punishment for child molesters would

be to sew their mouths onto a truck driver's asshole. The retribution

angle seems to have been replaced by plain old-fashioned shock art.

Six says he even

had to keep the film details secret from the project's financiers, who

didn't find out about all the orifice tailoring until after Human

Centipede was released. It must have done OK at the box office, because the sequel is already in production. Here's the trailer. It's not for the

squeamish:

And now for the all Human Centipede ephemera we found on the interwebs:

1. Human Centipede Cat Toy.

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First off, wow, $100! Revolting pet toys sure don't come cheap. But still, if

anyone in our lives would pounce around with something based on

shit-themed torture-porn, it'd be our evil cat. (Available at OhBoyCatToy's Etsy store)

2. Human Centipede Necklace

via LipsTattoo

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Just in time for Halloween. Seriously, that's the only OK time to wear this. ($38 at LipsTattoo's Etsy store)

3. Human Centipede Bracelet

via LipsTattoo

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If you're buying the above, you might as well get the matching bracelet. ($30.50 at LipsTattoo's Etsy store)

4. Human Centipede Tattoo

via blog.originalalamo.com

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We're not totally convinced that this isn't just drawn on with a Sharpee

and a red pen. But considering it's a film projectionist who got the tat, maybe he or she wanted to commemorate the fact that they survived multiple Human Centipede screenings. Hey, you can always put socks on when company comes over. (via Alamo Drafthouse Cinema)

5. Human Centipede Decal

via Robot1001001

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Imagine going to a dinner party and seeing this on the toilet seat lid.

Now imagine what you'd be thinking of your lovely hosts if you hadn't

heard of this movie. ($5.99 at Robot1001001's Etsy Store)

Human Centipede screens at UM's Bill Cosford Cinema on Friday, September 17 at midnight. Tickets cost $6 for seniors, University of Miami alumni, faculty, non UM-students and staff. General admission is $8. Cash only. Free for UM students. Visit cosfordcinema.com or call 305-284-4861.