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How to Get Laid at Fitness Universe Weekend

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Bodybuilders: they're lean, toned, flab-free specimens that make your average Joe or Jane look like Jabba the Hut. And hundreds of these fitness fanatics are converging on South Beach this weekend for Fitness Universe, an all-star competition pitting hot bods against each other.

If rock-hard hotties get you all atingle, Cultist is here to help you get closer to these seemingly unattainable icons. It is possible, we promise. We spoke to a couple competitors for tips on what to say, what not to say -- and why being a foodie probably won't fare well.

See also: Fitness Universe: What the Hell Do These Dudes Eat?

Dave Bogan, a competitor in this week's Musclemania Universe, is a Boca-based TV producer by day, buff gymgoer by night. He's part of Team Fit and Psyched, sponsored by Team Nutrishop and a force to be reckoned with. His tips:

1. Look like you work out.

If you're completely out of shape, approaching a die-hard fitness fanatic might not make the most sense. Sorry folks, but no pain, no gain.

2. Foodies need not apply.

Realistically, fitness competitors eat for fuel. So if you're into foie-gras crusted lamb chops, Fruity Pebble-topped donuts and Tostone burgers as big as your head, it's probably not a match. "I'm eating chicken breasts and broccoli -- I really don't want to be around junk food," Bogan says.

3. Going out a lot is a no-go.

Getting down to 3% bodyfat ain't easy. And it's all about the lifestyle. So probably don't approach a bodybuilder and brag about your wild nights out and skill at putting away Fireball shots. They have to go to bed early, eat crazy healthy, stay away from booze ... etc.

"What you have to go through to look like this ... it's not easy," Bogan adds.

4. Bodybuilders like to talk about themselves.

So indulge them. Ask questions about their various body parts, their fitness routine -- or hell, what they had for breakfast. Just chat 'em up about their favorite topic -- numero uno.

Floridian Courtney Baker is a new competitor, up for the Figure Universe title. She dropped 50 pounds on her own, and she says she's never been approached with a good line. Here are her suggestions:

1. Mid-lift is a no-fly zone.

Think about it -- for fitness pros, they lift like it's their job because it basically is. Would you want someone bothering you when you're making a sales call or in the middle of the busy dinner shift? Then leave the beefcakes alone until after their workouts.

2. Pay a compliment.

Compliments are always a wise choice. Always. But keep 'em clean.

"Nothing vulgar," Baker says. "Maybe, 'I like your form' or 'Are you training for something?'"

3. Don't offer advice.

Have you seen these people's bodies? They know what the hell they're doing. They don't need the lame-ass tips you saw on Pinterest.

"People will come up and try to give you tips ... I'm like dude, I'm straight," Baker says.

4. Ask for help.

These folks are the experts when it comes to shaping bods -- so who better to ask for a little assistance with your own workout attempts? Humble yourself. Yes dudes, even you. She knows more than you do, guaranteed.

So go forth and pick up. You might even improve your own bod while you're at it, and that's always a good thing.

Fitness Universe runs all weekend at the Colony Theater. Visit universeweekend.com.

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.

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