In the "Miami" episode of Louie, a local Cuban points to a towering condo building from the backyard of his family's single-family home, and tells Louis CK he feels bad for the people he sees on its balconies, because they always look so sad.
Boo effing hoo, thought all of Miami's jealous real estate lovers in unison.
If you count yourself among them, we hope you have cable TV. HGTV gives a high-priced, pre-packaged condo dwelling to one lucky viewer in its "Urban Oasis Giveaway 2012" each year, and this year, that condo is in Miami.
The chosen spot sits on the 20th floor of trendy Paramount Bay on North Bayshore Drive.
Cultist got to scope out the fancy digs in a media "sneak peek" this week. The condo itself measures 1,700 square feet of conventional Miami high-rise living. Like its predecessors in Chicago and New York City, it's luxurious, classy and aesthetically appealing -- if somewhat predictable.
Designed by TUI Lifestyle Lead Designer Lundsay Pumpa, it's populated with white leather couches (because no high-end Miami dwelling is complete without at least one), softly-colored accents, and pretty, if bland, artwork.
Valued at $900,000, the condo consists of two bedrooms, two-and-a-half bathrooms, a gourmet kitchen, and a terrace with a genuinely beautiful view of the beach, the bay and the Port of Miami -- certainly the selling point.
Almost all furniture comes from TUI Lifestyle, Pumpa noted, other than a handful of custom-made items or sponsor-provided pieces.
(Frankly, our favorite piece was the octopus throw pillow.)
The winning resident will also have access to the building's two-story, 6,000-square-foot spa and fitness center, a 91-foot pool, cabanas, theater lawn and fire pit, private sunrise waterfront pool, concierge, and valet. Okay, yeah, now we're sold.
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The contest kicks off August 23 at 9 a.m. EST and ends October 15 at 5 p.m. EST. Contestants will be able to enter once a day at hgtv.com/urbanoasis as well as once a day on frontdoor.com/urbanoasis. HGTV designer John Gidding will be giving fans an on-air preview of the spot on August 24 at 9 p.m. during the network's Urban Oasis Tour 2012 special.
Wannabe winners can also check out a virtual tour online.
There's just one caveat before you enter to win, though: The lucky winner will have to pay taxes on that $900,000 price tag. Mo' money, mo' problems, as the kids used to say.