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Hey, Assholes, Stop Talking Shit About Japan

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Anything we post this week that doesn't deal with the disaster in Japan makes us look like insensitive pricks. Let's face it -- we are. Talking about pop culture seems a tad trivial when there's a country on the verge of being radiated by what looks to be the biggest nuclear meltdown in the history of the planet.

But that's us. We are overly concerned with our own stupid shit, so we barely think twice about what's happening across the globe. Still, the least we can do is not badmouth those people who have been handed the worst hand so far this century -- a people who, by the way, are still behaving with humanity and humility in spite of danger most of us will never face. And then there are the following assholes. These troglodytes use whatever medium available to stomp on those less fortunate, often in the name of God or comedy, and with rationale that makes Charlie Sheen look grounded. All Mr. Sheen had to say, by the way, was: "Love Japan violently."

Excuse us for repeating some of the atrocious things these people said, but it's important

to acknowledge the depravity humans are capable of. For the record, our sister

paper in New York yesterday posted a similar list naming several of the same losers, but we thought it worth mentioning again.

1. Glenn Beck

Maybe the only thing worse than insulting a country in the midst of

devastation is doing so in a cowardly fashion that tries to skirt

criticism, à la Glenn Beck. Beck made incendiary comments about Japan

while trying to mask them as innocent speculation. "What God does

is God's business," he said. "But I'll tell you this: There's a message

being sent. And that is, 'Hey, you know that stuff we're doing? Not

really working out real well. Maybe we should stop doing some of it.'

I'm just saying." Hey, Glenn, remember when you had those drinking and drug

problems? Maybe it was God sending you a message. Oh, right, you

probably believe that. Well, if that's your God, Glenn, keep him. We'd

rather not know him.

2. 50 Cent

Like many trolls, Fiddy says his tweets were made for shock

value. "Wave will hit 8am them crazy white boys gonna try to go

surfing," and, "Look this is very serious people I had to evacuate all

my hoe's from LA, Hawaii and Japan. I had to do it. Lol." We especially

like the touch of combining an insulting female epithet with

trivializing a cataclysmic event. Well done, Curtis. And you can tell

your hos we said so. Lol!

3. Gilbert Gottfried

Being a truly tasteless, feckless, and insensitive whiner might win

you points on the latest Comedy Central Roast, but doing so in light of

the worst disaster of the century only makes you look like, well, like

you already look, Gilbert. He was fired by Aflac, which does big business

in Japan by the way, which makes it quite possible he's actually as

stupid as he is tactless.

4. Tamtampamela

This unknown piece of West Florida trash, we'll just call her

Trampamela, said she was just trying to incite rage when she posted a

YouTube video saying, "God shook the country of Japan. He literally

grabbed the country by the shoulders and said, 'Hey, look, I'm here'... I'm just so overjoyed and encouraged." And then she tried to take it

back, saying she was just trolling. Congratulations. It worked. We're

just so overjoyed and encouraged that the FBI had to show up in your

front yard to prevent the masses from lynching your ass.

5. Tokyo Gov. Shintaro Ishihara

Did we say the Japanese were handling everything with incredible calm

and dignity? Well, except for one. None other than the Tokyo governor

said, "I think [the disaster] is tembatsu [divine punishment]." Ishihara went on to say, "Japanese politics is tainted with egoism and populism. We need to use tsunami to wipe out egoism, which has rusted

onto the mentality of Japanese over a long period of time." To that we

can only say: We hope it wipes away any chance you will continue in

politics, you turd!

Cultist sends whatever karmic goodwill we have to everybody in Japan and

the world who is suffering as a result of the earthquake.

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.

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