South Beach is a great place to pretend you're someone you're not. You wanna be a hoochie? Hit up a club on Washington. You're a burgeoning cougar? Get down to the sand and display your newest boob job. Pretending you're a baller? There's a stretch Hummer waiting for you outside.
This Saturday, a thirsty crew of avengers and protectors of the people will make their way through South Beach streets seeking libations for the Superhero vs. Supervillain Pub Crawl. If we've learned anything from Halloween, it's that there's nothing more fantastic than dressing up and binge drinking.
You have a week to plan your outfit, so get going. Gather up your finest cape, body paint, your spider web gloves, and very tight tights. But don't just stick to the run-of-the-mill Marvel do-gooders like Batman and Superman, though. Get creative. Below, we put together a short list of under-appreciated heroes and villains.
- Randy Constan is a 50-year old man who believes he's the actual boy who never grows up, Peter Pan. This guy is a brave hero to men who love green worldwide. He sports a pixie cut and very green tights. With his shiny lip gloss, he'll add a bit of sex appeal to the crawl.
- Get serious about fighting crime and go as the Viper, an actual 20-year-old man who protects citizens of Columbia, Tennessee. Learn more below:
- Try a Josephine-Joseph look and do half a Lady Gaga face and half Beyonce looking like America's sexiest and most dangerous superheroes in Telephone. Think a bipolar Wonder Woman on acid.
- If you're a little fey or a wannabe queer, there's always the Ambiguously Gay Duo, the animated superheroes from SNL. See the costumes in action:
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Wear a pajama set and get a head tattoo to dress up as M. Night Shyamalan's interpretation of Aang in the poorly acclaimed The Last Airbender. Good for the height-impaired.
- Speaking of crappy movies, get creative on an old box and be a Transformer. That's fierce.
- On the possibly offensive, local angle, there's always Blackman the Colored Crusader, who battles racism and gentrification in Overtown.
If these suggestions bore you or creep you out, you can always take the super scientific, online superhero quiz, and find out which character you're meant to be.
The crawl starts at Tequila Chicas (1501 Collins Ave., Miami Beach) on Saturday at 7 p.m. It costs $10 if you preregister and $15 at the door. The first drink at each of the four venues is free. Call 954-806-3147.