With the exception of the clear horsey favorite Verrazano, broken-nosed racing experts are expecting some of the slowest runs in Kentucky Derby history this Saturday. What do you care? You’ll be drunk and wearing a giant hat. Don’t have a giant hat? Gather all of your tiny hats and finally make good on that New Year’s resolution to glue more of your crap together. One problem remains. Now that the race will take two minutes and five seconds instead of just two minutes, you’ll to need to hunker down to watch it somewhere instead of listening on your transistor radio as you rush from glue store to glue store. Fortunately, Bourbon Steak (Turnberry Isle, 19999 W. Country Club Dr., Aventura) is hosting the kind of Kentucky Derby party that would make ultra-stud Frankel flop his business in a bowl of ice and trot over for a $5 mint julep. There will be prizes for the most creative hats (seriously, start gluing your hats now), as well as Louisiana-style hot wings, beignets with a bourbon pot de crème, and a ton of other Derby specials. And look on the bright side: The horses might suck in this year’s Derby, but hey — more glue!
Sat., May 4, 5-7 p.m., 2013