If you're a fan of basketball, but also a big fan of competition as well as innovation, then this Miami Heat article from Innovation Excellence is for you. Revolutionary and outstanding things! All in one website for your convenience!
Amazingly, the article doesn't bash the Heat, but instead gives its readers four lessons they can take away from Miami's Super Team so that they can make their professional and personal lives brim with innovationess!
It's a nice piece of writing, in a Tony Robbins sort of way. But we took issue with its shmaltzy lessons in business-speak. If you ask us, here's what you can really learn from the Miami Heat.
1. Be Awesome. And Then Surround Yourself With Others Just As Awesome
"Success is a choice," wrote the college basketball coach who once had an affair with a lady on a restaurant bathroom floor. And it's true! You want to be successful? Decide to be successful. Just like Dwyane Wade decides that he can run faster and jump higher than anyone on the court. He can also hit clutch jump shots and likes to yell, "This is MY house!" after he does so. These are things he chooses to do. Unlike you, you lazy hippie. So get your shit together and decide to be awesome. Then, add otherworldly talents like LeBron James and Chris Bosh to your team and, boom, you've added the pieces of the road to your success. Easy!
2. Be Irrationally Hated By 98% of America
This is a toughie, but it comes with the territory of being uniquely innovative (and excellent). Once you've gotten your own LeBron and Bosh to team up with you, expect some backlash. And by "backlash," we mean pretty much everyone in the United States of America being so filled with irrational and ludicrously unhinged hatred and loathing -- the kind generally reserved for terrorists and child molesters -- that people will dedicate the entirety of their lives telling everyone what a whore you are and hoping you get run over by a rickshaw and die. Not to mention how skewed towards abhorrence the coverage of your team will be by major television networks and celebrities. When a sale is not closed or a deal falls through, salesmen know and understand it's part of the business. But when you and your team fail to make a sale, twitter feeds, news articles, radio call-in shows, and talking heads the world over will celebrate this failure as if Hitler was magically resurrected from the dead and then shot in the face again. Expect this.
3. Have A Buddy Who Can Throw You An Alley-Oop Which You Then Dunk
When in doubt, be sure you have a buddy who can do this. With time and practice, you'll be alley-ooping with the best of them in no time. Failed to make your quota? ALLEY-OOP THAT SHIT! Got a meeting with a huge potential client, but forgot your breath mints? ALLEY-OOP THAT SHIT!
The alley-oop fixes everything. Just be sure you keep a few rules of thumb in mind:
a.) Make sure your timing is on. If your partner fails to alley-oop at the proper time, disaster can strike and you'll just die of embarrassment and shame.
b.) Make sure you make some kind of shouting noise after you dunk. This is essential.
c.) Don't believe you can do it? See Lesson #1.
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4. Wreck Ass
Want to execute that strategy? Make the big sale? Move up in your company while that smarmy dick Phil from accounts stays in middle management for the rest of his life? Then you gotta be like Wade, LBJ, and Bosh and wreck ass. Sure there'll be some bumps in the road. People will swear one guy's humbleness will be your downfall. Then they'll insist that experience and teamwork will be your ruin. Then when you hit some troubled waters, they'll completely forget what you're capable of and laugh in your face. Screw that! Get up. Dust yourself off. And then wreck ass. You have it in you. It's just a matter of arbitrarily thinking you can be just as successful as three of the greatest finely tuned and rare athletes in the entire world are.
Follow these four simple steps and you'll be blowing money out your ass in no time. It takes hard work, discipline and, most of all, being just as good at your job as Dwyane Wade, LeBron James and Chris Bosh are at theirs. Now get out there and make shit happen. Those store brand knock-off perfumes aren't gonna sell themselves!