4
| Culture |

Florida's Biggest Names Get Cholafied

^
Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

We at Cultist do not endorse the folks behind Cholafied, the Tumblr account that posts Photoshopped images of celebrities with exaggerated, painted-on eyebrows and heavily lined lips. It's crass. It's superficial. It's insensitive. And frankly, it's downright racist.

Also, we're pissed we didn't think of it first.

Dozens of stars, from Steve Buscemi to Gary Coleman, have already gotten the Cholafied treatment. They even painted eyebrows on Angelina Jolie's right leg. But as we scrolled through the posts, we couldn't help but notice the lack of Florida representation. So we took it upon ourselves to even things up.

Check out Florida's cholafied -- or should we say, chongafied?-- faces after the jump.

Rick Scott was obviously number one on our Cholafied wish list. But now that we've seen the blue-lipped, Sharpie-browed version of the Florida governor, we can't unsee it. Chola Rick Scott haunts our days and our nights. The horror. The horror.

What, you thought J Lo was already fully Cholafied? Clearly, she has a long way to go. We like to imagine that the three dots by her eye represent Steven Tyler, Randy Jackson, and Ryan Seacrest.

In fairness, this look is still less vain than this season's intro video.

How ya like Kate Upton now, Victoria's Secret?

How much fun did we have Cholafying Pitbull? Let's just say we had a real good time.

Only on Kim Kardashian would chola styling look oddly appropriate. Let's all go draw crazy eyebrows on the mannequins at D-A-S-H.

Dexter Morgan has certainly earned his teardrop tattoo. (Please don't kill us.)

The club can't even handle Flo Rida's Canes pride. Nor can we.

Old-school Miami, Cholafied. Everything else was pastel-colored in the '80s -- why not Crockett and Tubbs' faces?

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.