We know what you're thinking: "Goddammit, I hate Valentine's Day." We know, we know. We hate it too. It's mere commercialized mockery of love and affection -- baloney with a side of bullshit.
We'll bet tons of you readers out there won't have anyone to snuggle with on the night of Feb. 14. (Assuming, of course, that you're all miserable jerks like we are.) And yeah, that sucks. But y'know what'll make it worse? Surrounding yourself with lovey-dovey assholes who've bought into all the chocolates-and-roses nonsense.
But have no fear, fellow anti-Valentiners. We at Cultist have compiled a foolproof list of things you should avoid doing on Valentine's Day. If you avoid them all, going to sleep alone that night will be just like any other night. And if you're still pissed that you're missing out on sexy time, try to put off dialing that booty call until the 15th. It's far less cliche.