While we were busy watching the Miami Dolphins finally win a goddamn game on Sunday -- in the snow, no less -- the Carolina Panthers were showing off their sports film knowledge. The team ran the Fumblerooski, a trick play that's seldom used but widely famous thanks to the movie Little Giants.
All of which got us thinking: If the Fumblerooski can work for the Panthers, why can't other sports movie strategies work for real-life athletes, too? Take note, Sparano.
The Flying V
Unless you grew up in New England -- and maybe not even then -- you likely had zero interest in the sport of hockey. Until The Mighty Ducks came along, that is. The Flying V even got Miami kids excited about skating around with a puck and a stick. Our trustworthy hockey expert sources tell us that as a real-life hockey strategy, the Flying V works exactly never. Still, we bet it would get more Miamians to go to hockey games than whatever the Florida Panthers are doing these days.
The Happy Gilmore Swing
Speaking of boring sports: golf. It's been more than a decade since Adam Sandler slapshot his way to victory on the green, and still we have no real-life Happy Gilmore taking to the course with hockey stick in hand. Isn't it time our golf heroes be known for more than merely banging Waffle House waitresses?
The Cutting Edge may be the worst movie in the history of sports movies. It's so awful that it comes back around to good ... and then goes just a wee bit past it into awful again. But there are two redeeming moments tucked inside this shlocky rom-com about a mismatched pair of skaters who find love on their way to Olympic gold. One: Moira Kelly's "Toe pick!" line, which is impossible to resist imitating. Two: The Pamchenko, the climactic and probably not-actually-possible-according-to-the-laws-of-physics trick that finished off the pair's final performance. We're issuing a challenge to all the figure skaters of the world: Try this move. If it works, you'll be heroes. If it doesn't, we look forward to seeing the blooper reel.
The Shake 'n Bake
Look, we're going to level with you: We're not entirely sure what a "shake 'n bake" is, and we have no idea if NASCAR racers have ever attempted one. Having that knowledge would seem to require us to pay attention to NASCAR, and we certainly aren't getting paid enough to do that. But we do know this: If there were a real, Will Ferrell-like racer on the NASCAR circuit running around shouting "shake 'n bake!" in a southern accent, we'd watch him. In interviews, anyway.
The Ernie McCracken Strike
The man has a bowling technique you won't find anywhere else: the effeminate, extended left hand; the crooked, leg-up follow-through; the delicate wisps of his comb-over reaching out like awesome-seeking tentacles. From kissing the ball to writhing on the floor in victory, Ernie McCracken embodies everything we want professional bowling to be. It would help if he were missing a hand, though.
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