Five Signs You're a Lady-on-Lady Hater

Women are their breed's own worst enemy. Rather than band together and stick up for each other, they insist on making each other feel as awful as possible. There are signs of this everywhere, from the ever-so-popular, ever-so-ridiculous Bravo Housewives to the tugging of pigtails at the playground. There are, of course, designated women that are Okay to hate on. Who's not going to be bitter -- or regret that second cupcake -- when looking at Gisele Bündchen? She's tall, thin, tan, beautiful and um, hello, she dated Leo diCaprio! In our book, that alone is reason enough to hate.

But when you start hating on your co-worker or friend, you've gone too far. Here are five signs you're a lady-on-lady hater.

Haters are sneaky. On the surface they appear confident and seem to be

paying you a compliment. They'll start with, "Oh wow, I love your

make-up today..." but before you can even blink your blue-lined eyes,

they'll thrown in "...but it looks absolutely ridiculous for class."

They'll end their encounter with a smug smile and then walk away.

Exhibit A: There was once a co-worker, we'll call her Queen of Green.

Little miss Green passed by our cubicle while we were sitting

innocently, minding our own business, when she stops and says "Oh that

purse," and proceeds to ask who makes it. As soon as we tell her the

designer, she goes on and on about how she hates their bags. Their too

square, too boxy, she says, shredding our purse to smithereens. Less

than one week later said co-worker walks in wearing the exact same

frickin' bag, only bigger.

 Immediately we thought "Wait don't you hate these bags? Too square .

Too boxy, you say?"  Instead we smiled silently to ourselves thinking,

"Sa-weet. We just got hated on." Because we know that in the wonderfully

weird world of women, being hated on is, in its own strange, twisted

way a compliment.

So there, Queeny and legions of ladies like her. We'll just keep smiling to ourselves while you seethe and sip on the Hatorade.

Five Signs You're a Hater:

1.    You clench your teeth and refuse to tell the girl in the cubicle

next to you how stunning she looks, thinking to yourself you won't give

her the satisfaction.

2.    You encourage your friend to eat the extra pizza hoping her taut

tummy will feel as bloated as yours. (Low blow, boo. That's your


3.    You discourage your co-worker from dying her hair that new shade because you know it will make her even hotter.

4.    You give the up-and-down stink eye to every pretty girl that walks by you at the mall.

5.    You feel defensive reading numbers 1-4.

-- Rebecca Salgado

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Miami New Times staff