With the final installment of Batman on course to break box office records and leave the real-life Comic Book Guys of the world binging in ecstasy, talk of Gotham City and its downtrodden inhabitants is on everyone's lips. Fans of the dark superhero and his exploits are certainly familiar with the trilogy's city of origin and its lengthy appearance throughout the three films -- but frankly, Gotham sucks. It's dark, dank, and crime-ridden. The people are immoral; the streets unsafe. Not to mention the dismal dating pool. (Two-Face, anyone?)
We think Batman should take his talents to another city.
Miami, of course.
5. Miami > NYC
Comic knowledge suggests Gotham's modeled after New York City, and do we really need to list all the reasons why Miami has it in spades over the Big Apple? Our weather, our residents, our proximity to the glorious beach, our cost of living ... the list is endless.
Batman writer/editor Dennis O'Neil once said, "Batman's Gotham City is Manhattan below Fourteenth Street at eleven minutes past midnight on the coldest night in November." We can imagine few things less appealing than the images evoked in that sentence. But what if Gotham City were South Beach at fifteen minutes past 1 p.m. on the sunniest day in October? Batman would be a whole lot cheerier, that's for sure.
4. Batman's a dedicated dude.
He needs crime and corruption to make him feel useful. And we've got enough to spare. With a laundry list of disgraced city officials in Miami and Miami Beach, corrupt cops and a bloodbath in Liberty City, Batman would have plenty to keep himself busy.
3. We're prettier
When it comes to visuals, let's do a comparison:
No commentary necessary.
2. The dating pool
In Gotham City, Batman's had some bad luck. For years he pined after his endlessly annoying childhood sweetheart Rachel Dawes. Then, in the latest flick, he's moved on to a sexpot with a screw loose. A rich, good looking dude like Bruce Wayne shouldn't have it so hard.
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Meanwhile, Miamians have the most sex of anyone in America, are extremely attractive and rank high when it comes to romance. And models are all over the place (particularly this weekend). What more motivation does the caped crusader need?
1. Bruce needs a better crib.
Wouldn't this make a much better Wayne Manor? (Yes, we know the original Wayne Manor was destroyed -- even more reason why he needs a new and improved version.) Besides, Star Island would provide the perfect amount of privacy. With all the celebs and their various oddities roaming about, no one would look twice at a batcape sailing by.
(Plus, the Batmobile would look so at home on the streets of South Beach. It just needs a neon yellow paint job.)