Five New Shows for Kate Gosselin Now That Kate Plus 8 Is No More

Fans of reality shows about fraternal twins and sextuplets (and titles that rhyme) were dealt a stunning blow this month as TLC finally canceled Kate Plus 8. In the wake of this tragedy, one wonders what Kate Gosselin will do next to stay relevant. Luckily, we've formed a list of new reality shows Kate could take part in, proving that this mother-cum-author-cum-poor dancer can rise again.

5. Kate Plus Apes

With The Rise of the Planet of the Apes performing well at the box

office, it's only fitting that reality TV would capitalize on its

success, and what better way to do it than introduce a suburban

housewife to wild chimpanzees. Suspicion becomes respect and admiration

as Kate locks and loads to protect our cousins from poachers.

4. Kate Plus Watergate

Political scandal is the name of the game as Kate teams up with Woodward

and Bernstein to explain the legendary cover-up that brought down a

presidency and finally uncover what was said in the infamous 18 minute

tape gap--something that could very well shock the sleaze right off of

Jon Gosselin.

3. Kate Plus the Fourth Estate

Kate finally takes advantage of her frightening blonde hairstyles and

lands a job at Fox News, proving that wealthy white women can do

whatever they set their minds to.

2. Kate Plus 8 ½

Things take a surreal turn as Kate Gosselin's romantic and creative

troubles explode in a burst of Fellini-esque fantasies. By the end she

learns a valuable lesson--reality television and 1960s Italian cinema

have a disturbing amount of things in common.

1. Kate Plus 8 Circumnavigate

If you were to compare Kate Gosselin to any historical figure, the clear

choice would be Magellan. Reunited with her children, Kate takes to the

high seas and combats scurvy and hostile natives, all in her quest to

circle the globe without the aid of GPS. The true strength of a mother

can only be measured when she is fighting to keep eight adorable

crewmembers in check as supplies start to run out in the mid-Atlantic.

--Mike Hicks

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