Film & TV

Five Miami Women We'd Rather See on The Real Housewives of Miami

The stars of The Real Housewives of Miami can be entertaining, sure -- if you're into drag queen drama, blowjob controversies, terrifying plastic surgery, and throwing people into pools. But let's be real about these "Real" Housewives. They're wacky and tacky enough for Bravo franchises based in cities like New York or Atlanta. But here in Miami, our nation's capital of bizarre people and faaahbulous lifestyles, these 'wives rank at about a two on the WTF scale.

So while we'll still be tuning in this Monday for the season three premiere of The Real Housewives of Miami, we've gotta admit that Bravo could've done better. Here are five local ladies who could easily replace Lisa, Lea, Adriana, Alexia, and Joanna.

But not Elsa. Never Mama Elsa.

See also: Real Housewives of Miami on the Feuds, Friends, and Hot Messes of "Unpredictable" Season Three (VIDEO)

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Ciara LaVelle is New Times' former arts and culture editor. She earned her BS in journalism at Boston University and moved to Florida in 2004. She joined New Times' staff in 2011.
Contact: Ciara LaVelle