Five Inappropriate Things to Paint on Easter Eggs

Kids are fun to screw with. Not in a creepy come- on-over-to-my-white-van-I-got-some-yummy-candy-for-you kind of way but in a "Santa Claus totally exists," "babies come from storks," "you can be whatever you want to be when you grow up" kind of way. Messing with their underdeveloped and impressionable minds, then watching the utter joy/wonderment/devastation spill across their sweet, little faces when they get an earful of new and confusing information is priceless. And if this weren't so, would online videos like David After Dentist be as popular as they are? No they would not! So, in honor of a clean cut, child-friendly holiday like Easter, here are five really inappropriate things to paint on eggs.

1. A Grenade

Who needs ten fingers, limbs, or a long life? Not your kid! 

2. Nuts

And we're not talking about walnuts...we're talking about the crotch-berries that your pet cat Pistashio had before he spent some special time with the vet. 

3. A Cadbury Egg

Think your toddler's a total chubster? Do their adolescent jelly rolls and love of Reese's Pieces make you want to teach them how to puke? Paint a hard boiled egg as a Cadbury Crene Egg, let them bite into it like an apple, and watch the shards of shell, blood, and potent, fart-like flavor of egg in their mouths turn them off to candy forever. It's the tiger mom way.

4. A Vibrating Egg

A sure fire way to make sure your little princess learn what a yeast infection is nice and early.

5.The Truth:

Need we say more?

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