This Halloween, we're going all out. Our house is covered -- ceiling to cellar -- in phony cobwebs. We've got an unbroken chain of Jack-O-Lanterns lining the perimeter. And, yes, on the porch, completely unguarded, sits a tremendous black witch's cauldron filled with suckers, bubblegum, chocolate bits, gummi-everything, movie theater candy classics, and so on.
Like dough-eyed moths pulled inescapably toward our flickering All Hallow's Eve flame, the children -- decked out like Lady GaGa and Moammar Gaddafi -- will run and scream with delight toward their sugary bounty.
Until, that is, we hop out from the bushes, brandishing a cleaver and wearing a bloody potato sack over our head. What can we say? We like the look on their faces. After the cut: Cultist's Top Five movies to scare your kids shitless.